Snow, snow, DON'T go away!

We are getting hit by a big snow storm. It started to snow earlier this afternoon and it is still snowing. Ok, best thing happened to me this evening. Due to the weather, all classes starting after 6pm got canceled, which ultimately means no History & Systems exam tonight!!!!!!!!! I can't be any happier. I don't know if the prof will reschedule it or cancel it all together (he already had to cancel a class due to his physical condition), so I decided to take it easy tonight. I hope it will keep snowing and cancel classes again tomorrow...or even for a week! hahaha. Now I'm thinking that I should have watched Oscar's last night. Oh, well. I didn't think this would really happen. Anyway, I'm a super happy person right now!!!

Lesson of the day: female hormones make women do crazy things. When I got home from school this evening, I was craving for burgers and fries...probably because of PMS. In the heavy snow, I walked for about 5 blocks to get burgers and fries from Burger King!!! I still can't believe what I did. I was probably the only person walking on the street! Anyway, the whopper Jr. and fries didn't meet my expectation...:-(

hotpot party

My roomies and I had a hotpot ("nabe") party tonight. It was so much fun!!! Had really good food! My roomy's friend does color therapy (more like a color pop-psych test), and she did one for me, too. According to her, I'm naturally skilled at communicating and relating with others and enjoy listening to and helping people around me. The challenge I'm facing is the feeling of not being understood and being too sensitive to what others say/do and getting hurt as a result. However, I will figure out what I really want in the future and will engage more in communicating and connecting with others around me. Hmmm...interesting.

Had a very productive morning...did some studying before babysitting and got quite a bit done. then, I even did more studying after babysitting and before the hotpot party. :) I will go to bed soon and do more studying tomorrow.

better outlook

Things are going better these days, I think. After the methods class, I talked to Dr.Schober about my research project, and we came up with an interesting AND doable project. I got soooooo excited about it!!! Yes, I'm such a nerd for getting this excited over research. No wonder I'm willing to devote my youth to a research career. hahaha. It really made me happy :)

I was somewhat productive today. Because it snowed quite a bit last night and I also didn't want to spend 2 hours commuting back and forth between school and home, I decided to stay in Queens today. Went to Starbucks to study for the exam. Got quite a bit done!!! yay!!! Then, I got grocery shopping done, seperated my plant (Midori-chan) to two pots, and finally set up my hina dolls. Hina dolls are special dolls for this traditional Japanese event, Girl's Day, which is on March 3. The basic idea for Girl's Day (Hina matsuri) is to celebrate girls' (including me!!!) healthy growth and happy life, I think. My knowledge of Japanese traditions is not that great but I think I have some general idea covered for Girl's Day. Scary thing about hina dolls is that if we don't put them away right after March 3, the girls in the household won't be able to get married!!! Yikes! I have to remind myself to put them away on the night of March 3!!

Ira sent me this article. I was so proud of him and almost felt like a parent or something. hahaha. He sent me this article probably because I sent him this one. My name is mentioned on the first page, under my mentor's section.

My roommate just told me that we're having a hotpot party tomorrow night. One of my roomies is inviting someone who does color therapy. I don't know what color therapy is, but I'm kinda curious to find out what it is. I'm sure it has very little to do with psychology...probably more similar to one of those personality tests you find online.

All in all, things are going better these days. I should get back to studying for the exam...

blog and me

It's kinda fun to be involved with this whole blong thing. I've recently found out that some random people have read my blog.. interesting!

Anyway, whenever I have boy problems, my friends tell me that I deserve better. And I've said the same thing to my friends, too. Then, why are all these nice guys/girls stuck with bad guys/girls? This is something Jin and I talked about briefly on AIM, and I found this topic very interesting. One possibility is that there are not enough nice people out there; therefore, we end up being stuck with bad boys/girls. After all, nobody wants to be alone, ya know. But Jin pointed out that there are actually plenty of decent people. Yes, that's true. Jin is a nice guy, and many of my friends are very nice. But we're not attracted romantically to these nice people.

I think we have different criteria for friends and romantic partners (yeah, of course!). ya know, when girls say "you are such a nice guy!", it usually means that "i'm not attracted to you in romantic way." (well, I say "you are nice" to the guys I'm attracted to, but I'm talking about general scenario.) There were so many nice people out there, and I often bang my head on the wall and think, "why can't I date these nice guys?" So, for some strange reason, being nice doesn't necessarily translate to attractiveness as a mate. Why is this? Are we prone to be attracted to bad boys/girls??? No, I don't like bad boys! What is wrong with this world? Why can't nice people be with other nice people? I think there are so much that I need to learn about love/relationship/attraction. hahaha. And I'm starting to relize that the lack of love/relationship/attraction/etc in my life obviously doesn't help me learn about them!!! But I also don't need drama in my life, either. ugh...

I have an exam next Monday...and I have so much studying to do. (then, why am I updating my blog? don't ask!) If I didn't have to take exams or write paper, I actually love school. I love learning but I'm bit lazy.

Just read about the Hellenistic period and learned about Epicureanism. "Epicurus taught that happiness was to be found by avoiding strong passions, including the ups and downs of erotic love, and living simply, avoiding dependence on others or the world (Leahey, 2004, p. 72)." Hmmm....So, the classic Greek philosopher(?) is telling me to avoid boys, I suppose. That's not a bad idea...

comps or thesis?

I just had a meeting with my psychopathology professor (the class I got an A-). He basically told me that A and A- are not that much different. I was screaming in my head, "they are very different...at least to me! it determines whether I have to take the comps or not!!!" I told him a little bit about my situation, and he understood how much the difference between A and A- mean to me. Then, he was like, "well, why would you even bother to do research master's? You are already taking research methods. If you take the comps, you'll be entering the clinical program clean. but if you did research master's, you have to do a thesis."

Hmmm...this kinda makes sense. I'm already taking research methods class and I can't drop it any more because the drop/add deadline has passed.
1. regular path: take the comps
2. research master's path: no comps but I have to write and defend a thesis.
but wait...I can turn the project I will be working on for my methods class as a thesis...omg...I think it's still better to do research master's because I won't have to take the comps.

Well, good thing about the comps here at GF is that it's so much easier than the ones at Ohio U. Most people actually pass them. Considering I don't have to take the super difficult comps at OU nor defend a thesis, maybe I should consider this as a good deal. ....or, is it?

working efficiently

I had a very productive morning and I'm quite happy about that. Responded to e-mails from home, then read for History & Systems class at a coffee shop close to school. It feels nice to be productive. I'm feeling much better about things today. I think this is because I'm not feeling sick any more. Mind and Body--interactive system, that is. When I'm stressed, I'm prone to get sick. When I'm sick, I feel sad and miserable.

My roomies and I are having hotpot this Saturday. Looking forward to it! But I also realized that I have an exam on the following Monday. I don't know how I'm gonna arrange time to study. I guess I have to get as much studying done during the week as possible.

Just feeling better and happier!!! yay!

negativity...not good.

Just read some of my recent posts and realized that they are all negative! I know I'm not the happiest person on the planet...but it kinda scares me how negative I've been lately. what concerns me the most is that all of them kinda originate in external sources, like academic evaluation (i.e., grades) and other people's evaluation of me. I really need to remind myself that I have some good qualities that I should be happy with. Let's see.................oh, no....I can't think of any. :-p this is bad. I've been feeling like a dumb, unmotivated, mean, pessimistic, self-centered bitch lately.

I'm still sick :-( This really sucks. It's making me very grumpy! At least it's not that nasty stomach flu I had a few weeks ago, though.

Can't wait for the spring break. Thought about taking a trip to Cali but the airfare went up! I'll keep looking, though. I really miss Cali and I deserve a vacation, especially after a rough beginning of the semester. Another option is to go to Florida. Relaxing time at the beach will be great. But again, the airfare seems to be a bit expensive. Or, I can go visit Larry in Boston. I know Chinatown bus to Boston is very cheap. :)

alright, I need to get back to studying for History and Systems exam...

so pissed!

At one subway station in Queens, I saw some writing on the wall that says, "Japanese women worship black dick." What the fuck? That's so offensive and unacceptable! Who the hell wrote that? I almost felt like throwing up.

sick again!

My immune system is on strike, I think. I've been getting sick almost every other week or so. This really sucks. I've been taking lots of vitamin C but that's not helping much either. I'm pretty much at the point where I'm willing to try anything to prevent getting another cold. Taking echinacea is one of them.

Had another long phone conversation with mama. It always helps to talk to her. She told me one of my cousins is getting married in Tokyo. Anyway, we were discussing about my life decision and such. I need to start figuring out what I really want out of my life...

conference

I attended the Winter Roundtable at Columbia today and yesterday. It was about racism...very thought provoking and inspirational. The highlight of the conference was Jane Elliott's speech (she did the famous "Brown eyes Blue eyes experiment" with elementary school children, which I didn't know about until this conference). She is such a powerful woman--very passionate! I'm so glad I attended the conference even though I've been sick and tired.

been feeling bit disappointed with myself lately. Ph.D. admission interview with Dr. Steele on Friday didn't go as well as I wanted. and I'm starting to realize that my interests (academic) need to be more specific and narrowed down. I need to focus on smaller area. In fact, my mentor agrees with this. She also thinks that I need to focus (although . Moreover, I get too distracted by my personal/private life. Maybe I'm not mature, smart, and emotionally-stable enough to be a clinical student. I don't think I'm fit to be a clinical psychologist. :-(

sleepless...again

It sucks when I can't sleep...especially a night beofre an important interview. I took tylenol-PM...so hopefully, I can sleep soon. I also had some milk and Baileys. Now I'm worried that I may stop breathing in sleep...oops. Just in case it does happen, I wanted to put this on my blog as a record--"I didn't take Tylenol-PM and alcohol together to commit suicide...just wanted to sleep and wake up alive."
One lesson learned--never let myself open up to other people too easily. but on the other hand, I don't think I can control this too much. It's natural, at least for me, to want to be close to others. Life is about connecting with other people, I think. I believe in "en" (don't know how to say this in English).

I want to go see The Gates at the Central Park! I'm thinking about going next weekend, and Ira may come along.

almost there...

In three more hours, I can leave school. Can't believe I didn't fall asleep all day (well, I have 2-hour long cognitive psy class to go to...so too early to say). After the sleepless night, I called my mama and talked to her about the problem I'm dealing with. She always tells me what she really thinks--it can be harsh sometimes but it all works well at the end. After talking to her, I felt much better. :-) She's awesome.

I complained bit too much about my academic situation during the meeting with my mentor. I think she feels bad for me. She told me that she will help me with the research project ideas (e.g., brainstorming, figuring out subject pool, etc). It's comforting to know that my mentor is being supportive. At least, she didn't minimize the amount of academic pressure I'm dealing with...I know some professors say, "oh, you should be able to handle that. you are a grad student."

Ran some analyses on the Ohio Scale dataset with new covariate. I think it's starting to look more interesting. Since we controlled for some extraneous variables by adding covariate, it's bit easier to interpret the results, I think. While I was running some analyses on SPSS, I realized how much I like doing this. Maybe I should make some money by running statistical analyses (which I used to do). I can develop this into a full-time career...I wonder if there's any workshop on SPSS. I want to learn more about it but I'm too lazy to read the manual. hehehe.

sleepless in w-side

it's about 5:30am right now, and i haven't been able to sleep. too much thoughts going on in my head and can't really shut them off. frustration, sadness, disappointment, etc. I wish things were bit less complicated. Thoughts go on and on in circle, never getting anywhere. Am I thinking and analyzing too much? This kinda reminds me of my senior year in college. I often couldn't sleep at night because of the anxiety over thesis, grad school application, classes, money, etc. I almost feel as if I'm driving myself crazy by wanting too much at the same time. As my mom used to always tell me, maybe I can't have them all at once. prioritizing--that's what I need to do. but what if I need them all now?

What's bad about not being able to sleep at night, especially on Tuesday night, is that I won't get home until 11pm (because of the stupid 8-10pm class). I wish the school was bit closer so I can come back and take a quick nap during the day...ugh.

I'm not sure if moving to NYC was such a great idea. I'm getting to like the city...but I'm talking more about academic life. I hate living so far from school (1-hour communte), hate night classes, hate having have to take the comps, hate going through the admission process again, hate big class sizes, hate taking 4 classes, hate my lab space, and hate being a student who got a special treatment and got screwed because of that. oh, man...so much negative thoughts. I almost feel like going back to good ol' Ohio.

Happy V-day

to those of you who celebrate this commercialized holiday. I saw many couples with flowers, gifts, and heart-shaped balloons today. I'm being all bitter about v-day but I think I'm simply jealous of all these happy couples. Yet, I think v-day is over-rated. People spend way too much energy, time, and money on this one day.

I know shit happens to everyone but I think it happens slightly more frequently to me than to others. Am I wrong? Maybe I'm a drama queen, making such a big deal out of every little things that other people don't even care. I really don't think I'm that unfortunate; actually, good things happen to me, too. At times, I consider myself a very lucky person. Maybe both good and bad things happen with greater intensity in my life??? Or I take everything with intense emotions??? Am I overreacting to everything?

Ira passed the NAPLEX, and it made me quite happy. I know he worked so hard. He'll be the first licensed pharmacist among my friends. And, he's the first among my friends who have earned a doctorate (except for the ones who already had a doctorate when i first met).

I really feel that I should make more detailed work schedule. I tend to slack off when there's less structure. I'm definitely a slacker by nature.

am i going blind???

Lately, I've noticed that my vision is getting worse. When I try to read articles for class, I can't concentrate well because I can't see well. Hmmm...maybe I need to go get a new perscription??? But my expensive health insurance doesn't include vision plan... Plus, I bought a year supply of contacts recently.

I have babysitting for 5 consecutive days, started from yesterday. It's nice because I will be making money, but it's kinda annoying, too. By the end of 5 days, I will know that babies are not always fun to be with.

My computer

My dear computer (aka Pochi) has been acting weird lately. It crashed late last night :-( Now I don't know what to do--should I buy a new laptop or fix it. My laptop is super old...I bought it 3 years ago, refirbished, which makes it a lot more older than 3 years old. I know desktop is much more affordable but I want to be able to take my laptop to wherever (e.g., coffee shop). Hmmm...I'm gonna have to consult with my bank account...

Finished the assignment for Assessment class...three minutes before the class. phew. that was very close. I would have liked to put more time and energy into it but I had too much other stuff going on.

Is it true that guys are not good at multi-tasking? Like, when they are busy with school work, they can't do anything else. Someone has told me about this before...but I don't know for sure because I'm not a guy, obviously.

Am I ever going to have a stable, long-lasting relationship? Maybe I shouldn't ask for one, given all the crazy choices I've been making in my life? Should I only be with someone who is willing to follow me wherever I go? Should I just forget about relationships and just focus on myself? Am I asking too much--wanting to have both good career and relationship? How do people negotiate between these two? I'm really confused.

Monday again

I love Friday but I hate Sunday night. I'm feeling kinda sick again this morning. :-( I couldn't sleep until about 3am last night and don't know why--got up at a decent time on Sunday morning and didn't take a nap, either. Too much thoughts were going on in my head, and that kept me up for a while. To induce sleep, I had a cup of warm milk with Bailey. This seemed to help a bit.

This week was filled with babysitting and catching up with school work. So no excitement here. Friday--babysat till 7pm and went home to relax. Oh yeah, had a meeting with my social psy professor in the morning. Apparently, he knew about my whole chaotic situation. Professors talk about students all the time, I guess. So, the first thing he said to me was, "you must be mad at me!" While I was yelling "yes!!!!" in my head, I said, "I'm not mad at you...I'm little upset with the situation I have to deal with." Good answer, eh? He told me that I was one point short from a B+! Because other students who chose to answer the same question as I did tend to score lower than students who chose other questions, he is considering giving us an extra point. If he decided to do so, I will end up with the final grade of B+, instead of a B.

Saturday--babysat till 3pm. the weather was nice and it was good to be outside. when I took the kid to B&N, some random man (father of a 3 year-old kid) talked to me and gave me his business card. He told me to e-mail him--I really don't know why he said that. should I e-mail him? I'm bit puzzled. After the babysitting, I went grocery shopping. I bought one of those shopping carts and I'm quite happy about it. I no longer have to carry super heavy grocery from Stop & Shop. Then, I finally did laundry! yay! It was a quite productive day.

Sunday--even though I set my alarm at 7am, I ended up getting up at 9am. After I took shower and ate breakfast, it was already noon. didn't feel like doing work at all. So, I decided to call someone who is definitely studying on Sunday--and surprise, he was in the middle of studying when I called him. That motivated me, so I went to Starbucks to do some work. got good amout of work done :)

It's been so nice (around 50-degrees!) in NYC for the last couple of days. I know this won't last long but I enjoyed the weather as much as I could. Can't wait for the summer!!!

blog neglect

I've neglected my blog for so long...so much has been going on lately.

well, here are some updates.
-Trip to Columbus, OH was fun. hung out at coffee shops during the day, while Dave was at work. (we met for lunch, though) Jim was nice enough to drive up to Columbus to hang out with me and Dave. We went to a coffee shop/bar on High Street--pretty cool. had nice coffee drinks (w/ alcohol). it was great to see Jim. it was super cold over the weekend, so we pretty much stayed in. Dave gave me a grand tour of his office--it was very impressive.

-snowed a lot in NY area while I was in Columbus, OH. My flight back to NYC was canceled, and I was rebooked on the next day. So, I got an extra day in Columbus.

-got back to NYC safely. was bit surprised with the amount of snow we got in NY. after dropping off my luggages at home, i went straight to school. first day of class. pretty uneventful.

-RE: my academic status. turns out, I have to take Research Methods on top of three other required courses. My Research Methods prof told us that this class is one of the most intense courses we will ever take in this program--great. 3 classes is considered full-load in our program, and it requires special permission to take more than 3 (min GPA 3.9 and chair's approval--which is rarely granted. i know someone who had 3.9 and didn't get a permission to take 4 classes) well, i got permission to take 4 just because i have to take 4 this semester. So, i have to get all A's with super heavy load of classes. Scholarship office agreed to fund me for the fourth class. Now I definitely have to take 4 classes!!! ugh...my life doesn't get any better than this.

-visitor from NJ on Sunday. met him up at Penn Station and had a quick lunch in K-town. then, we came back to my place b/c it was too cold out. we studied at my place for a bit--i was quite happy how productive i was. nice to have a study buddy, i guess. went back out to K-town for dinner.

-I've been sick ever since I came back from Ohio...as I was getting better last weekend, I got another cold/flu. It was a very nasty stomach flu!!! couldn't eat for a few days and had fever. haven't gotten this sick for a long time and i freaked out a bit. but i'm feeling much, much better now. trying to think of a good "anti-cold/flu plan" for the rest of the season. take echanichea???