First snow of the season

It has gotten really, really cold for the past two days or so and it finally snowed today! Surprisingly, I don't hate winter as much as I used to. I actually get kinda excited when it snows.

This weekend was quite eventful. On Friday, I met with Liz Ann for happy hour. Just as usual, we had a few mojito's and talked about guy problem. It was a lot of fun, and I got a bit tipsy. I didn't realize it until I got home but yes, I was tipsy!!! Dave called me when I got home and I think I sounded very drunk!!!

On Saturday, I had to work all day at the clinic. I had some intense cases... Then, I met up with ChiungYi for ramen and some sake in the E. Village. It was good to see her.

Then, today, on Sunday, I met up with Mariel and psych fellow for dim sum. I've been craving for dim sum for a while and I was happy to finally have some. :) This time, I didn't stuff myself, so I actually got hungry early in the evening. After dim sum, I went to a coffee shop to do some reading. I still have lots to do, so I should probably get back to it rather than updating my blog.

Oh, my therapist is recommending for me to come in three times a week and I'm seriously considering it. Gosh, I can't wait to go to the session tomorrow!

post-thanksgiving

Now, Thanksgiving is over, and this year is really approaching to the end. I still can't believe how quickly the time is passing. Thanksgiving was great. I went to Alexandra's place. Alexandra and her bf cooked huge Thanksgiving dinner, so we ate pretty much all afternoon. Food was very yummy. What I enjoyed the most was the time I spent with Alexandra. She's super cool--she's very smart, caring, and genuine, and she reminded me of someone. It's nice to have a friend like her.

After Thanksgiving, I was planning on catching up on some work, but I decided to just get some chores done and relax. Today, I went to Starbucks and read for fun. It's nice to read for pleasure. :)

Interesting thing happened last night. P texted me from Colorado. As usual, he asked me if I'm interested in, ya know, that. Since the incident a month ago, I've been in emotional chaos and haven't been in the mood. So, I vaguely told him that I'm dealing with my own issues and don't really feel like it. Then, surprisingly, he said that he wants to work it through together and that he has some issues as well. I was surprised and I'm still not taking his words at face value. Anyway, if he wants to talk, I'm open to it. I will see what happens.

To be honest, I miss H and often think about how he is doing. I'm sad that he hasn't spoken to me for over a month and I get this urge to call him up. But at the same time, I'm still emotionally injured and I'm not sure if I'm ready to speak to him, either. I wonder why he hasn't responded to my e-mails...he doesn't give a crap about me or is he mad at me??? sigh...

Need a new laptop

My laptop finally went dead last night. No matter what I do, I can't even turn the computer on. Instead of getting it repaired, I'm thinking about getting a new one. Money is tight, but I think I can purchase one with some payment plan. I had to spend one evening without a computer/internet, and it was miserable! I'm soooo addicted to computer/internet and can't even imagine a life without it.

Other than that, things have been pretty much the same. Met up with Alex and Billy for dinner/beer on Friday night. It was good to catch up with them. Can't even remember the last time I saw them.

I've been kinda depressed for the last 2-3 weeks or so. It sucks because I become so unproductive. For the last two weeks, I've been going to therapy twice a week. I think it's a good idea; that gives enough time to cover more of my issues. But my bank account is definitely not happy with this! Well, something happened about 3 weeks ago, and for some reason, it really, really made me sad. I was surprised to see how upset I got. I think this incident stirred up some of my "unresolved issues" from the past. Damn, I have lots of issues.

can't believe

I can't believe it's already November. Thanksgiving is right around the corner (in a few weeks). Once Thanksgiving passes, Christmas comes rushing...before you finish all Christmas cookies, New Year's Eve comes around, and then it will be 2008 before you know it. Crazy how fast the time passes.

Things have been kinda shitty lately. Just looking back, October was filled with emotional turmoil. It was dull in the beginning, got really exciting and happy in the middle, then boom! It got really crappy very quickly. sigh...life doesn't let me sit back and enjoy it. Good thing I go to therapy nowdays and have some friends that I can talk to. I actually requested an extra therapy session because things were going crappy.

All these things happening to my life really makes me more resistant to open up my heart. I think I'm kinda naive...I usually trust people without questioning anything, then I get hurt at the end. I'm tired of hurt feelings and disappointments... :(

By the way, Friday was crazy. I went to happy hour with Liz A and I got super drunk. I can't even remember the last time I've gotten this drunk. It's probly because I had no food all day long and had 4 mojito's in an empty stomach. I could hardly walk or stand straight and I almost puked when I was on train. It was really, really bad. I think I tend to get very drunk when I'm upset.

still summer in NYC?

It's been very warm/hot in NYC for the last couple of days. It's almost like back to July/August. I really love this weather; I hope it will last forever. I just can't take the cold climate. Although I'm learning to like winter and fall, cold temperature usually makes me feel miserable.

I found out that one of my thesis committee members from undergrad is being considered for tennure. She was definitely one of my favorite professors, so I'm definitely writing a letter to support her promotion. She's the prof who took some time to go over important concepts with me during her office hours. I was taking her intro psych during my first semester in college when I couldn't understand anything in English! I'm so grateful that she did not give up on me!!!

Other than that, I've been feeling kinda depressed and emotional. I think it's all due to my monthly girlie visitation. Yesterday, I just didn't feel like doing much. I went to therapy this afternoon and I ended up venting about my supervisor at work. It's very rare for me to get that emotional/upset in front of someone, so I felt a bit ashamed afterwards.

I hope this nasty emotional instability goes away soon.

uneventful weekend

I had an uneventful weekend (for most part). Today, I went to a coffee shop to do some readings. I really like this coffee shop; it reminds me of Donkey in Athens, OH. I was focusing well on reading...then, I got a bt. And yes, I ended up responding to bt. sigh... I'm very conflicted about this whole bt situation. I'm not sure if I should be doing this at all. But part of me thinks, what's so bad about it? Devil and angel within myself are fighting with each other, and right now, devil is winning.

blah, blah, blah

I had a moderately busy day today. Woke up at 7am (don't know why but I've been waking up around 7am without alarm), went to the clinic to do some paperwork (treatment plans were due today), went to the gym, then did some work in the lab. I had a lot more stuff I needed to accomplish today but I guess I will get to them on Sunday.

Anyway, I met up with Liz A and Mariel A tonight for Indian food in Hell's Kitchen. It was yummy. and the best of all, I got to catch up with my favorite girl-friends. It's always nice to have some girly time!

I still don't like working on Saturdays but I'm getting more comfortable and confident in providing therapy these days. I'm looking forward to sessions tomorrow!

don't know why

Don't know why but I've been pretty tired lastely. I'm tired all day long and feel like falling asleep very early in the evening. And, even after good night sleep, I still wake up feeling tired. I'm not sick nor depressed (or, am I depressed?) Can't quite figure out why I'm so tired.

Speaking of not knowing why, I sometimes do things without knowing why. Last night, I agreed to do something that I was not quite interested in doing. I really don't know why I did it.

All in all, I guess I'm not in touch with my own feelings and wishes.

i'm back

After a long absence from this blog, I decided to come back. I was keeping a blog on this japanese website (mixi) for a while but I'm too lazy to keep a blog in Japanese--I guess it's a good indication that my Japanese is deteriorating a bit.

It's been a few weeks since the school started. Nothing much is going on. Externship finally started to pick up a bit; now I have many supervision sessions, meetings and two patients. It's crazy how much paperwork we have to do at my new externship site. It's actually worse than the clinic that I work at on weekends.

I wonder why I tend to let things just drag on for a long time even when I don't want them to. For instance...my therapist. I've been seeing this therapist for about 3 months by now but I still don't feel quite comfortable with him. Yet, I haven't told him nor changed the therapists. Another example...P still sends me explicit booty texts. Even though I'm not that interested in engaging in "activities" with him for so many reasons, I still end up responding to him. I don't think I'm interested in "activities" without emotional attachment.

Anyway, I think blog will be a good forum for me to reflect on my behaviors, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Hisashiburi

As per Yodee's request, I'm updating my English blog. man...he's like a blog police or somethin' hehehe. Learn Japanese and read my blog on mixi, damn it!

Anyway, classes will be over in less than two weeks. This year went by soooooo fast. Where did the time go? What have I accomplished in the past 9 months or so? I feel as though I haven't accomplished anything. I started the Ph.D. program in clinical psy...worked my ass off on the therapy study...made multiple trips to CT...etc.

My summer plan:
1. hopefully, complete three classes
2. start working on the comps 2 paper
3. start thinking about dissertation topic
4. most importantly, ENJOY!!!

I'm thinking about a few travel destinations. I definitely, definitely have to make it to beach...maybe Jones Beach??? Coney Island sounds good, too. Tour around the New England. Oh, yeah, I have to go to New Orleans for a conference in August, can't forget that. But the biggest trip will be the trip to Japan, which is coming up in about two weeks! yikes!

Well, looking back this academic year, it was quite eventful...Can't wait for the summer!

snow...in April???

What the heck is going on with this weather? I was walking around with a T-shirt last weekend, and now it's snowing. (rather, it was earlier today) Where is spring? I can't take this any more! I don't want to wear big jacket!

I've neglected my blog for a while because I've been pretty preoccupied with "mixi", a Japanese version of Friendster. Just like Friendster, mixi has blog function. Nice thing about mixi is that my sister and her boyfriend have been leaving comments for me everytime I make a new entry. Whereas on Blogger, nobody leave me comments. That's why I've been hooked on mixi and neglected Blogger. :-p

I'm leaving for CT tomorrow right after the externship. Can't wait!!!!

I'm falling apart.

I trully feel that I'm falling apart because...

1. I'm doing really bad in Rorschach class. Did horribly on my first quiz and did horribly again on the second quiz last night. I'm failing...

2. I presented my therapy group during the supervision yesterday, and my supervisor had nothing positive to say about it.

My self-esteem level: -10

First time

I gave Rorschach for the first time to my student volunteer today. It was quite interesting! I didn't like writing everything down verbatim but the whole experience was kinda intersting.

Today was super busy...and I probably shouldn't say "was" because I'm still at school and have tons of stuff to do before I leave the office tonight.
1. prep for the experiment/interview that is scheduled for tomorrow
2. clean up the office
3. type of process note

Can't wait for the weekend...I'm so exhausted!!!!

growing up

Out of curiousity, I was checking Friendster profiles of people I went to college with. Surprise, surprise, many of them are now married!!!! or engaged!!! Unbelievable. I guess this is about the age people start settling down...I guess I'm an adult now.

I am in a state of shock now.

it's been two weeks

Yes, it's been over two weeks since the last time I updated my blog, and so much has happened.

1. I got an externship placement!!!!!!! After 6 interviews, I got offers from Stamford and Bronx. Since Metro-North is insanely expensive, I decided to take Bronx. Can't beat the commute that can be done with a metro card. so happy and relieved that I have a placement for next year. phew.

2. went to the Niagara Falls and Toronto. It was crazy cold up there but I had a great time. One thing I noticed was that I get tired quickly when I'm walking in cold weather. Maybe living in the North Pole is a good way to lose weight.

3. I was house/catsitting for a week and just came back to my good ol' apartment yesterday. The cats were so cute and wanted to take them home with me. Anyway, it's nice to be back home.

After listing the news, it doesn't seem so much. I was just crazy busy for the last two weeks or so. It's nice to stay home and do absolutely nothing but I kinda miss busy weekends, too.