Again, Monday is over

Six more Mondays to go for rest of the semester. phew. Our group supervision was cancelled today, so I decided to go to the gym in middle of the day. I did some cardio for about 30 min or so. It really made me happy--mind and body are really connected to each other. I can't be happy when my body is not healthy!

Here, I have something to say about this phenomenon I observe at the gym. I don't know about guys' locker room, but in women's locker room, people walk around bare naked. I mean, bare naked, not even covering the private part. I was initially very shocked, and I still don't get used to it. I wonder if it's like this in guys' locker room as well...
My middle/high school shared a campus with int'l school, and I remember kids from int'l school walked around bare naked in the locker room while all Japanese students covered them up with towels. Is this something cultural?

On the way to Union Square Station tonight, I got to see tons of spill over people from the famous Greenwich Village Halloween Parade -- quite amusing!!!

Appearance and Attraction

Is physical attraction necessary condition for overall attraction? Meaning, can you be attracted to someone you don't find physically attractive?

My love for Central Park

It was such a wonderful weather today! I loved it. To enjoy the weather fully, I went to Central Park (Sheep Meadow) to do some readings. I felt so good laying on the grass. This is the type of thing I should do more often. Enjoying the moment without worrying about past or future. :-)

I went to this restaurant with Travis, Patrick, and James last night. It was really hot there because we were seated right by the kitchen. Food was decent and the price wasn't too bad, either. Nice dinner with friends is always fun :)

Btw, I don't recommend "The Matrix-Revolution" I thought it was very crappy.

I don't know what's going on with me...but I'm feeling extremely sleepy now.

Some thoughts on stress in my life

Things have slowed down a little bit this week. phew.

Up to last week and earlier this week, I was working 12+ hours/day with no lunch or dinner break. I often found myself eating lunch or dinner while doing work. I usually get to school or to the clinic around 9am or so and don't get to leave school untill about 9 or 10pm. For the last few weekends, I've been coming to the lab on weekends to do some work. On top of that, my prof has been telling me that my life will be like this for the rest of my career and been giving me A LOT of work.

No wonder I was stressing out like crazy. I was stressed last year, but this year has been even more intense than last year. I've been having difficulty getting good quality sleep, feeling irritable, sad, my body was tense and heart beating fast for no apparent reason. I think I was officially "burnt out."

But towards the end of this week, my schedule was not as crazy as it used to be. Then I realized how much this crazy schedule had been weighing me down. I feel so much better now! I really need to learn how to balance between work and play.

I added all the hours I spend working. Research Hours + Externship Hours + Classes + Babysitting + Other Meetings and Conferences = 42 hours/week. This does not include the times I spend doing homework. Last week, grand total was 56 hours/week.

Life's little pleasures

I find myself giggling over some mundane stuff...here are some examples:

1. When I was walking on 14th Street, some guy said "want a bag of pot?" Do I look like someone who would buy pot on a street?
2. When I was waiting for a train at Jackson Heights Station, there was a steamed dumpling in middle of the platform. so random.
3. Receiving e-mail messages from guys who look like serial killers (through online dating site). I don't understand why they post such a horrible pictures of themselves.

I think the key for enjoying life is to find a pleasure in little things :-)

Other things that made me happy lately:
1. aerobics class--went to a cardio/strength training class on Friday morning (10:30am!). Although my body is aching all over now, I felt sooooooo good afterwards. Exercising definitely makes me happy. It's kinda addicting, ya know.
2. My prof and classmates thought that my presentation on Thursday was great. self-esteem boost!
3. Successfully ran group therapy by myself. My classmate who runs the group with me was sick on Thurs, so I had to run Depression group by myself. I was nervous, but all of the people in my therapy group liked it a lot.
4. It's been quite stressful lately, but I feel that I'm getting so much out of my life!

Pic from Fuyuko's wedding in Rochester

wedding6
Originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

This pic (and the following pics) is from Fuyuko's wedding that I attended in Rochester last month.

Travis, me, Zin, and Yodee.

Pic from Wedding in Rochester

wedding BBQ
Originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Wedding was quite casual...had a great BBQ!

Wedding pic

wedding10, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Group pic from Fuyuko's Wedding

Wedding pic -Rochester-

Wedding1, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Group pic from Fuyuko's wedding in Rochester. It was a fun time.

what the hell am i doing...

at School at 10:15pm? I have to be here in the lab while one of our interviewers conduct an interview. It started from 7:30pm and was supposed to be done by 9:30pm at the latest. It's already 10:15pm right now, and the interview is still going on...ugh. I really want to go home now.

Anyway, I talked to this guy I've been corresponding through Friendster over the phone tonight. He sounded like an interesting guy, and we are meeting for bubble tea next Tuesday. :-) I'm very much looking forward to it! It's always fun to meet new people.

By the way, I have a confession to make. I ended up not going to the gym this morning due to the super bad weather.

lucky Monday

It's such a relief when Monday passes. :) I had 2 hours shorter Monday than usual--11-hour day! Yay! Our TA session from 8pm to 10pm was cancelled! I thought about going to Dave's gig in the Lower East side because it was supposed to start from 9pm...but I decided to go home because I was soooooo tired. I felt kinda bad because I told him that I will be there if I get out of class early. Oh, well. I'm sure a lot of his friends showed up, and he probably didn't even notice that I didn't make it.

Bad news. Yayoi told me that she won't be visiting NYC next month. Instead, she decided to visit her parents in Chicago in December. What a disappointment! :-(

Oh, yeah. I finally signed up for a membership at YMCA today. I'm thinking about going to an aerobics class at 9am....which means I should go to bed NOW!

My Dating Style

I took another online personality test...hehehe...here's the result:

The PrissDeliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

it's about time for me to take a trip

I was watching TV earlier today. it was about Costa Rica. I so much want to travel. I haven't left the state of NY for the last 4 weeks or so, and I'm definitely the type of person who needs to travel a lot. There are so many parts of the world I haven't seen, and I would like to experience as much as I can. Here are some destinations I'm thinking about visiting in the near future.
1. Japan -- to visit my folks
2. Amsterdam --to visit Yayoi
3. London -- just to see
4. Italy
5. Spain

Now the same TV program is talking about wineries in NY State--they are saying now is the best time to visit wineries. hmmm...anyone up for wine tasting???

Trying to think of what to do for Thanksgiving...I don't want another miserable Thanksgiving. Last year, I invited Ira for Thanksgiving, then he cancelled on me at the last minute. But my roomies and I cooked huge Thanksgiving dinner, so it wasn't too bad after all. But this year will be different. I think both of my roomies will be out of town for the holiday. sad me. :-(

sushi and drinks

I met up with Travis and Patrick for dinner in E. Village tonight. We went to the same restaurant from a few weeks ago. I had grilled fish dinner, and it was yummy. It was more like a home cook meal. Good Japanese food always, always makes me happy :-) After that, we went to an Irish pub for drinks.

I think I'm destined to get soaked wet at least 5 times per year or something. It started raining earlier this evening (again!) and I got soaking wet, walking from subway station to my apartment tonight. It sucked!

Btw, I didn't know a term "ass man" existed. According to Patrick, guys who love butts are called "ass man." hmmm...sounds kinda funny. hehehe.

bad weather...again!

I hate this weather--rainy and chilly. It makes me want to just sit around and watch TV/movies all day long.

I ended up not going to the party Mariel told me about because I was gonna go to the conference next morning (Sat morning). Then, I ended up not going to the conference this morning. I should have gone to the party last night. ugh.

Stress is killilng me these days. I feel my body tense and my heart is beating faster for no apparent reason. It sure is driving me crazy... So, I thought I should start exercising again. That should take care of some stress I've been experiencing. I went to YMCA this afternoon to sign up for a membership. Then I was told that I have to bring a copy of my class schedule in order to get student discount!!! so annoying!!!

your ideal job is...

...a teasmaid!

this is exactly what i need to hear after working my ass off in the Clinical Psychology Ph.D. program. Check this out...it will tell you what your ideal job is. As a side note, when I entered my entire name, it said that my ideal job is an Emperor of all the world. funny.

What's going on with my head?

I had another dream last night about making out with someone. This time, I didn't know who the person was. I wonder what is going on with my head! Am I going crazy?

I attended the first case conference this morning. It was very interesting; attending MD introduced the case, and the patient came into the room to be interviewed by a senior MD. good learning experience.

Another busy day with lab work, lab meeting, and a class. I had to be in the lab while my prof's husband conducted an interview tonight. It kinda sucked because it lasted till about 8:30pm. But I had an interesting conversation with him, and my prof, her husband, and I went out for dinner afterwards. Pretty decent Indian food. My prof and her husband look soooooo cute together. If I ever get married, I want to be happy like them :)

Speaking of social life...

I've been talking to someone on e-mail through Friendster. He seems nice, funny, and not psychotic (based on my clinical intuition as a psychologist in training). Would this be a good chance to expand my social life? Hmm...I have to think about this.

Another crazy Monday. I feel such a sense of accomplishment at the end of every Monday.
9am-1pm: Intake and supervision--did an intake on a patient. it was another intense case. i'm just amazed that so many people are living under horrendous conditions. anyway, the intern who supervised my intake interview told me that I have a good mannerism with patients--hmmm...great to hear that.
1:15pm-2:30pm: group therapy supervision
2:45pm-6pm: lab work
6pm-9:30pm: class--another frustrating class. i hate, hate, hate this class!!!

by the way, I swear that I saw Dave at Stop & Shop yesterday. I didn't go back to see if it was really him because I was pushing a heavy cart full of groceries, though. Well, he kinda sorta lives in my neighborhood, so I guess it could have been him. It's kinda wierd running into someone I know in my neighborhood.

heater is finally on!

Our landlord finally turned the heater on! yay! It was actually very hot in my room when I woke up this morning. Oh, well. It's better than freezing to death in my room.

I went to the mall today to shop for clothes. But I came back without buying anything! There were a few pairs of pants I liked, but they were too expensive! I wish I was making more money...at least once in my life, I want to go shopping without worrying about budget!

Other stuff I need to do by the end of this weekend.
1. grocery shopping
2. laundry
3. ironing shirts

Sounds fun, huh?

kinda boring

This weekend has been kinda boring.
Friday night, I watched first season of "Dawson's Creek" on DVD's. "Dawson's Creek" is kinda depressing but I still like it. I've never had a chance to watch much of the episodes, so I decided to watch them all. It made me cry...at 2:30 in the morning, I was crying by myself in my room. How embarrassing!

Today, I went to the lab to run two subjects. Then I came home to eat dinner. Nothing has been going on in my social life...I guess it's about time to expand my social network.

I'm gonna watch a movie tonight. This weather is making me lethargic...

when will this end?

I'm sick and tired of rain! I hate getting wet and stay wet for the entire day.

Does dream represent our underlying/unconscious desires? If so, I'm in big trouble. I had dream about making out with someone last night...and this person is someone I don't find attractive in romantic way. yeeks! I hope I'm not secretly attracted to him or anything like that. That would be...um...weird.

Ran first group therapy groups today. They went OK. And I also attended rounds for the first time this morning. It was very interesting and cool, partly because I felt like a doctor. It's cool being a medial personnel. :)

my stress meter is up to 150 today...I really need a vacation!

So much rain!

It's been raining hard all day long. This is really annoying! I got soaking wet today.

Today was a long day again. I had babysitting this morning. Then, went straight to school to run a subject...but it was no show. After that, I had a brief meeting with my co-leader for group therapy session. Then, I had to be there for another subject until about 9:30pm. Quite exhausting.

But I received two surprise phone calls. One was from Ira. It was great to talk to him. Then, another one was from Dave. He was funny as usual. hahaha. He said that he will drop off some arts that his roommate is giving me. yeah, I really need to decorate my apartment--it looks so bare.

After a long day, I'm enjoying sake with Calpico. yum! Tomorrow will be another long day, starting from 9am.

it's Tuesday

...and this has to be a joke. Just like any other week, I'm exhausted already. But the weirdest thing is, I'm not sleepy at all. For the last two days or so, I get physically tired but I can't get good quality sleep. I'm tired but not sleepy. weird.

I don't think I can ever be a leader. I'm such a control freak and I can't trust other people to do work. I'd rather do everything on my own. That way, I don't have to worry about other people slacking off or doing something stupid.

When I got to the lab around 11am this morning, my lab mate wasn't there yet. gosh, what a slacker. She's never there! I'm so angry.

I have to run 6 interviews for our research project this week. As expected, my stress meter is 120% at this moment. arrrrgghhh.

cold morning

When I woke up this morning, it was very cold (based on my standard). I really didn't want to get out of bed but I had to make it to my externship on time (9am!). This morning's intake was pretty interesting. First of all, I didn't have to do any intakes. Second of all, all of the cases we got were very intense. I can't go in details about the cases but I just had to say, they were intense!

After three supervision sessions, I came back to school to do some lab work before my class at 6pm. Busy as any other Mondays. And my 6-10pm class got on my nerve as usual because my TA was pissy and bitchy. Nothing unusual, I guess.

Yodee flew back to Indonesia tonight...I was hoping to see him before he left but things just didn't work out. It's sad to see a friend leaving :-( I hope he'll come back to NYC next year when his visa stuff works out.

Oh, note to myself and to everyone who reads this blog: get your physical check-up done when possible. my roomie recently got a comprehensive physical done and found out that she has a turmor that is a size of an orange! I was really shocked to hear this because she is only a year or two older than me and she doesn't drink or smoke. She is getting more testing done to determine whether the tumor is cancerous. I hope it's not cancer...I'm very worried about her.

a big realization

I just realized that hormonal imbalance is really affecting my mood. At times, I feel irritable, emotional, sad, and angry for no apparent reason. I thought these emotional reactions were due to some stress. However, I'm under stress almost all the time but I don't necessarily feel all these negative emotions all the time. Most of the time, I'm OK.

My answer to this questions is...it's all due to my monthly female business! I've been feeling quite annoyed and angry for the last two days or so and I realized my monthly visitor is about to come. Ah-huh! When I look back, I also realized that I tend to get into arguments or become emotionally hypersensitive around that time of the month!

Therefore, here's a note to myself. Don't do anything major around that time of the month. I tend to get very emotional and make stupid decisions.

On a completely different topic, I want to go to a hockey game! Unlike last year, they are playing this season! Hockey games are fun to watch!

End of the world????

There has been big scale natural disasters one after another. I was surprised to hear about an earthquake in Asia. Is this the end of the world?? Or, natural disasters usually occur this frequently? Hmmm...

I'm in the lab right now (AGAIN!) This is sad, isn't it? I've been here for the past 4 hours. This sure isn't the place I want to be at when the world is collapsing! I want to be in Hawaiiiiiii!!!!!!!

how do people de-stress?

One of my coping mechanism is to drink alcohol. It's quite relaxing as long as I don't overdo it. by the way, I'm not alcoholic. Like last night, one cosmo made me happy--this sure doesn't sound like words coming out of an alcoholic, does it?

Anyway, I counted how many hours I've spent in the lab this week. The grand total is 25 hours--and this doesn't include bs-ing around on internet. pure 25 hours of work. And this doesn't include the hours I spent at home, working, either. So far, I haven't done any class work this week because I've been super busy with the lab project. I'm sooooo mad at my lab mate. She doesn't do much of work, and I end up doing soooooo much work. I feel that my prof is relying more on me than on her. I'm taking on too much work...

On top of that, I have 12 hours of externship, classes, and 6 hours of babysitting. No wonder I feel so burnt out. I need another weekend trip to Hampton!!!!!!!!!

Do you need a man in your life?

This is the result from a quiz that I took online today...

You don't feel you need one man, but you sure like men.

You love your girlfriends and they fulfill a real down-and-dirty, let-it-all-hang-out, wise-woman function in your life. However, you certainly appreciate men, and you understand that they have a different energy than women, an energy you'd like in your life.
You're charmed by the way guys drink beer from a bottle, wear 25-year-old paint-stained khakis, and talk about hockey as though it were important. You understand that you can have all this in your life without romance.
But sometimes you worry that you ought to settle down, and you're a little afraid of growing old alone. Are you afraid to get involved because you've been burned before? Are you overly picky, still looking for Mr. Perfect? Do you fret that you'll eventually need someone to push your wheelchair?
At midlife, "Sometimes women think that love has to be 125 percent or really, really good," says psychotherapist Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz, author of The Confident Woman: How to Take Charge and Recharge Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2001). "But the great thing about romance at midlife is that 80 percent is all right, if that's enough commitment for you. If your parents would disapprove of him, if he's from the wrong socioeconomic group, if he's not somebody you'd have kids with, if he won't get married or if you don't want to -- none of that matters. Enjoying the time you spend with him counts most. The enjoying part can be irrespective of age or profession, or any of the stereotypes of what a 'right' kind of man might be."

This is kinda true...wait, it is VERY true about me. I'm happy with what my girlfriends offer. And I'm also very happy with what my guyfriends offer, too. They offer very differen things. But at times, I feel that I want to settle down with the right person.
Am I afraid to get involved because of past bad experiences?--yes, kinda.
Am I too picky? --yeah, kinda.

E Hampton Group Pic 2

hampton2, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Again, Yodee, Angela, Travis, me, and James. Don't we all look happy???

E Hampton Group Pic

hampton, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Yodee, Angela, Travis, me, and James (and the dog)

glassworks

glassworks, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Aren't these pretty? I wanted to take them home.

Hampton House

hampton8, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Angela, me, and James. nice pic, eh?

tree

tree, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

This is a tree we found in the back yard. in E. Hampton.

irony

When you are putting all the effort to find something, that very thing you are looking for never appears in front of your eyes. But when you give up looking for it, it comes to your door by itself. How ironic. I guess when you are too caught up with your greed, nothing will flow as you wish. ...I sound more and more like a religious person...hehehe.

Another busy day at the lab. I got there around 10am this morning and kept working till about 7:30pm, without taking any break. I ate my sandwich as I correspond to e-mails. Power of Craigslist is amazing. I posted our study on Craigslist this morning, then we got 50+ e-mails from potential participants, and the phone never stopped ringing since this morning. It was really amazing.

After a long day of working, of course I need to release some stress, right? So, I went to Trav and Yodee's place when I got off from school. They were about to start dinner when I got there, and they offered me some food--thanks! Then, we ended up going to the same Greek care/diner for drinks. This time, we tried a bottle of white wine. Can't remember the name of it, but the description said, "pinot grigio of Greece." Hmm, interesting.

Work has been stressful, and I feel the need for alcohol at the end of the day. I hope I won't turn into an alcoholic!!!

Thought of the day

Don't let things (especially the ones that I have no control over) bother me. If I let them bother me, that's my loss. Getting upset doesn't change anything. Only thing that stay with me are whatever the things that cannot be changed and unfavorable feelings (e.g., anger, fear, disappointment). There are many things out there that are completely out of my control.

This is a note to myself.

I know it sounds depressing but this is one of the things I need to learn. "Many things don't go the way I want them to." Sometimes, letting things go is the best thing I can do for myself and for others. Hmm...do I sound like a zen Buddhist? hehehe.

stomachache

I woke up with a really bad stomachache this morning...I wonder if Travis poisoned me last night (j/k) Travis cooked some chicken and fishballs last night...other than that, I didn't have anything else for dinner. Hmmm...

Life requires balance between work and play

My monday morning started off with intense anxiety. I had to do an intake with a real patient this morning. And I couldn't sleep that well a night before due to the anxiety.

When I got to the hospital I was very quite while my classmates chatted about their weekend. Some of my classmates asked me if I'm nervous, so I told them, "yeah, I'm very nervous. couldn't sleep that well last night. I'm an anxious person, ya know." Then, surprisingly, they told me that they don't think I'm an anxious person. Instead, they thought I'm a very calm and relaxed person. Wow, that's a big surprise!

Anyway, the intake went OK. I was very nervous, and the intake didn't flow as smoothly as I wanted it to. But over all, I felt I did fine. The intern who supervised me said that I actually did very well and that she was impressed with me. Wow!!! That's a great compliment. What is more, she said the same type of thing as my classmates said. She thought that I appeared confident and relaxed during the intake! My heart was beating like crazy, though! Despite what I felt, I guess I'm just good at hiding my nervousness and anxiety...that's the complete opposite from how I view myself.

After the externship, I got to school and was overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do. I was stressing out and was resentful towards my lab mate who I thought was supposed to be in the lab to do some work today. Then, my prof called me to tell me that I have to stay till 7:30pm, while one of our interviewers conduct an interview for the lab project. I was like, "why should I stay that long at school when I don't have classes? (classes got canceled for Jewish holiday)" Anyway, I ended up having another 10+ hour work day. sigh.

But after that, I met up with Travis and Yodee at this bar near Penn Station. They had this nice rooftop patio, and I really liked the bar. Price for drinks were kinda expensive, though. ($8 for gin and tonic) Oh, well. It was nice hanging out in the patio, just looking at USPS building :-p It was quite relaxing. And I think my drink was quite strong...I got little tipsy after one drink.

So, my day had a good mixutre of work and play. I think this is really important. Work hard, play hard.

Nice Weather!

Nice weather always makes me happy. Today was another perfect weather, just like yesterday. So, I decided to go to Central Park again. This time, I went by myself because Travis, Yodde, and Patrick went to Woodbury Outlet today. Well, I actually wanted to go by myself today because I wanted to get some readings done.

The park was filled with people. I didn't see any interesting people today, though (no guys with speedo's). It was little too hot to stay for a long time, so I left after about two hours. I really hope I didn't get sunburn...although I love summer, sunburn is my worst enemy.

For some reason, it was very relaxing to read at the park. I hated the thought of doing work on Sunday, but being at the park made it so much better. I actually didn't mind doing work at all. Ok, here's a proposition. We should make a green house in an open space, so I can do some work outdoor even when it's 30-degrees outside. How does that sound? :)

Thanks to Jewish holiday, Rosh Shahanah, I don't have classes tomorrow and Tuesday. How cool is this? And, there will be no class on the 13th because of Yom Kippur. Hooray to Jewish holidays.

Productive Saturday--good

I was so exhausted on Friday night, so I ended up watching "50 First Dates" and going to bed around 11pm. Thanks to a full 8-hour sleep, I woke up refreshed this morning! :)
I did laundry, cleaned up my apartment, and went to grocery shopping. There's this Asian supermarket opened up recently in my neighborhood (a few blocks from my apartment), so I went there to check it out. It was a decent size, and they had reasonable prices. I would use that supermarket.

After getting all the house chores done, I went to Central Park with Travis and Yodee. It was sooooo beautiful out, and I enjoyed hanging out at the park. We went to Sheep Meadow and did some people watching. It was quite interesting...we saw a group of guys with speedo's on and singing to random group of girls. I kinda wanted to take a picture of them but I was too scared to get close enough to them to take pictures.

For dinner, Travis, Yodee and Patrick came over to my apartment, and Travis cooked some delicious dishes for us! You know, he needs to come over to my place more often so he can cook good food for me!!! It's nice to see a guy cooking in the kitchen, too. After dinner, we went to the Greek diner/cafe in Astoria for a bottle of wine. I think this place will be my favorite place :) Although it was a little chilly last night, I like their outdoor tables.