talking to myself...

First snow of the season

2007-12-02T17:42:00.000-05:00

It has gotten really, really cold for the past two days or so and it finally snowed today! Surprisingly, I don't hate winter as much as I used to. I actually get kinda excited when it snows.

This weekend was quite eventful. On Friday, I met with Liz Ann for happy hour. Just as usual, we had a few mojito's and talked about guy problem. It was a lot of fun, and I got a bit tipsy. I didn't realize it until I got home but yes, I was tipsy!!! Dave called me when I got home and I think I sounded very drunk!!!

On Saturday, I had to work all day at the clinic. I had some intense cases... Then, I met up with ChiungYi for ramen and some sake in the E. Village. It was good to see her.

Then, today, on Sunday, I met up with Mariel and psych fellow for dim sum. I've been craving for dim sum for a while and I was happy to finally have some. :) This time, I didn't stuff myself, so I actually got hungry early in the evening. After dim sum, I went to a coffee shop to do some reading. I still have lots to do, so I should probably get back to it rather than updating my blog.

Oh, my therapist is recommending for me to come in three times a week and I'm seriously considering it. Gosh, I can't wait to go to the session tomorrow!

post-thanksgiving

2007-11-24T20:46:00.000-05:00

Now, Thanksgiving is over, and this year is really approaching to the end. I still can't believe how quickly the time is passing. Thanksgiving was great. I went to Alexandra's place. Alexandra and her bf cooked huge Thanksgiving dinner, so we ate pretty much all afternoon. Food was very yummy. What I enjoyed the most was the time I spent with Alexandra. She's super cool--she's very smart, caring, and genuine, and she reminded me of someone. It's nice to have a friend like her.

After Thanksgiving, I was planning on catching up on some work, but I decided to just get some chores done and relax. Today, I went to Starbucks and read for fun. It's nice to read for pleasure. :)

Interesting thing happened last night. P texted me from Colorado. As usual, he asked me if I'm interested in, ya know, that. Since the incident a month ago, I've been in emotional chaos and haven't been in the mood. So, I vaguely told him that I'm dealing with my own issues and don't really feel like it. Then, surprisingly, he said that he wants to work it through together and that he has some issues as well. I was surprised and I'm still not taking his words at face value. Anyway, if he wants to talk, I'm open to it. I will see what happens.

To be honest, I miss H and often think about how he is doing. I'm sad that he hasn't spoken to me for over a month and I get this urge to call him up. But at the same time, I'm still emotionally injured and I'm not sure if I'm ready to speak to him, either. I wonder why he hasn't responded to my e-mails...he doesn't give a crap about me or is he mad at me??? sigh...

Need a new laptop

2007-11-11T14:53:00.000-05:00

My laptop finally went dead last night. No matter what I do, I can't even turn the computer on. Instead of getting it repaired, I'm thinking about getting a new one. Money is tight, but I think I can purchase one with some payment plan. I had to spend one evening without a computer/internet, and it was miserable! I'm soooo addicted to computer/internet and can't even imagine a life without it.

Other than that, things have been pretty much the same. Met up with Alex and Billy for dinner/beer on Friday night. It was good to catch up with them. Can't even remember the last time I saw them.

I've been kinda depressed for the last 2-3 weeks or so. It sucks because I become so unproductive. For the last two weeks, I've been going to therapy twice a week. I think it's a good idea; that gives enough time to cover more of my issues. But my bank account is definitely not happy with this! Well, something happened about 3 weeks ago, and for some reason, it really, really made me sad. I was surprised to see how upset I got. I think this incident stirred up some of my "unresolved issues" from the past. Damn, I have lots of issues.

can't believe

2007-11-05T00:56:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's already November. Thanksgiving is right around the corner (in a few weeks). Once Thanksgiving passes, Christmas comes rushing...before you finish all Christmas cookies, New Year's Eve comes around, and then it will be 2008 before you know it. Crazy how fast the time passes.

Things have been kinda shitty lately. Just looking back, October was filled with emotional turmoil. It was dull in the beginning, got really exciting and happy in the middle, then boom! It got really crappy very quickly. sigh...life doesn't let me sit back and enjoy it. Good thing I go to therapy nowdays and have some friends that I can talk to. I actually requested an extra therapy session because things were going crappy.

All these things happening to my life really makes me more resistant to open up my heart. I think I'm kinda naive...I usually trust people without questioning anything, then I get hurt at the end. I'm tired of hurt feelings and disappointments... :(

By the way, Friday was crazy. I went to happy hour with Liz A and I got super drunk. I can't even remember the last time I've gotten this drunk. It's probly because I had no food all day long and had 4 mojito's in an empty stomach. I could hardly walk or stand straight and I almost puked when I was on train. It was really, really bad. I think I tend to get very drunk when I'm upset.

still summer in NYC?

2007-10-08T22:57:00.000-04:00

It's been very warm/hot in NYC for the last couple of days. It's almost like back to July/August. I really love this weather; I hope it will last forever. I just can't take the cold climate. Although I'm learning to like winter and fall, cold temperature usually makes me feel miserable.

I found out that one of my thesis committee members from undergrad is being considered for tennure. She was definitely one of my favorite professors, so I'm definitely writing a letter to support her promotion. She's the prof who took some time to go over important concepts with me during her office hours. I was taking her intro psych during my first semester in college when I couldn't understand anything in English! I'm so grateful that she did not give up on me!!!

Other than that, I've been feeling kinda depressed and emotional. I think it's all due to my monthly girlie visitation. Yesterday, I just didn't feel like doing much. I went to therapy this afternoon and I ended up venting about my supervisor at work. It's very rare for me to get that emotional/upset in front of someone, so I felt a bit ashamed afterwards.

I hope this nasty emotional instability goes away soon.

uneventful weekend

2007-09-30T21:48:00.000-04:00

I had an uneventful weekend (for most part). Today, I went to a coffee shop to do some readings. I really like this coffee shop; it reminds me of Donkey in Athens, OH. I was focusing well on reading...then, I got a bt. And yes, I ended up responding to bt. sigh... I'm very conflicted about this whole bt situation. I'm not sure if I should be doing this at all. But part of me thinks, what's so bad about it? Devil and angel within myself are fighting with each other, and right now, devil is winning.

blah, blah, blah

2007-09-28T21:52:00.001-04:00

I had a moderately busy day today. Woke up at 7am (don't know why but I've been waking up around 7am without alarm), went to the clinic to do some paperwork (treatment plans were due today), went to the gym, then did some work in the lab. I had a lot more stuff I needed to accomplish today but I guess I will get to them on Sunday.

Anyway, I met up with Liz A and Mariel A tonight for Indian food in Hell's Kitchen. It was yummy. and the best of all, I got to catch up with my favorite girl-friends. It's always nice to have some girly time!

I still don't like working on Saturdays but I'm getting more comfortable and confident in providing therapy these days. I'm looking forward to sessions tomorrow!

don't know why

2007-09-25T21:45:00.000-04:00

Don't know why but I've been pretty tired lastely. I'm tired all day long and feel like falling asleep very early in the evening. And, even after good night sleep, I still wake up feeling tired. I'm not sick nor depressed (or, am I depressed?) Can't quite figure out why I'm so tired.

Speaking of not knowing why, I sometimes do things without knowing why. Last night, I agreed to do something that I was not quite interested in doing. I really don't know why I did it.

All in all, I guess I'm not in touch with my own feelings and wishes.

i'm back

2007-09-23T22:24:00.001-04:00

After a long absence from this blog, I decided to come back. I was keeping a blog on this japanese website (mixi) for a while but I'm too lazy to keep a blog in Japanese--I guess it's a good indication that my Japanese is deteriorating a bit.

It's been a few weeks since the school started. Nothing much is going on. Externship finally started to pick up a bit; now I have many supervision sessions, meetings and two patients. It's crazy how much paperwork we have to do at my new externship site. It's actually worse than the clinic that I work at on weekends.

I wonder why I tend to let things just drag on for a long time even when I don't want them to. For instance...my therapist. I've been seeing this therapist for about 3 months by now but I still don't feel quite comfortable with him. Yet, I haven't told him nor changed the therapists. Another example...P still sends me explicit booty texts. Even though I'm not that interested in engaging in "activities" with him for so many reasons, I still end up responding to him. I don't think I'm interested in "activities" without emotional attachment.

Anyway, I think blog will be a good forum for me to reflect on my behaviors, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Hisashiburi

2006-05-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

As per Yodee's request, I'm updating my English blog. man...he's like a blog police or somethin' hehehe. Learn Japanese and read my blog on mixi, damn it!

Anyway, classes will be over in less than two weeks. This year went by soooooo fast. Where did the time go? What have I accomplished in the past 9 months or so? I feel as though I haven't accomplished anything. I started the Ph.D. program in clinical psy...worked my ass off on the therapy study...made multiple trips to CT...etc.

My summer plan:
1. hopefully, complete three classes
2. start working on the comps 2 paper
3. start thinking about dissertation topic
4. most importantly, ENJOY!!!

I'm thinking about a few travel destinations. I definitely, definitely have to make it to beach...maybe Jones Beach??? Coney Island sounds good, too. Tour around the New England. Oh, yeah, I have to go to New Orleans for a conference in August, can't forget that. But the biggest trip will be the trip to Japan, which is coming up in about two weeks! yikes!

Well, looking back this academic year, it was quite eventful...Can't wait for the summer!

snow...in April???

2006-04-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

What the heck is going on with this weather? I was walking around with a T-shirt last weekend, and now it's snowing. (rather, it was earlier today) Where is spring? I can't take this any more! I don't want to wear big jacket!

I've neglected my blog for a while because I've been pretty preoccupied with "mixi", a Japanese version of Friendster. Just like Friendster, mixi has blog function. Nice thing about mixi is that my sister and her boyfriend have been leaving comments for me everytime I make a new entry. Whereas on Blogger, nobody leave me comments. That's why I've been hooked on mixi and neglected Blogger. :-p

I'm leaving for CT tomorrow right after the externship. Can't wait!!!!

I'm falling apart.

2006-03-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

I trully feel that I'm falling apart because...

1. I'm doing really bad in Rorschach class. Did horribly on my first quiz and did horribly again on the second quiz last night. I'm failing...

2. I presented my therapy group during the supervision yesterday, and my supervisor had nothing positive to say about it.

My self-esteem level: -10

First time

2006-03-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

I gave Rorschach for the first time to my student volunteer today. It was quite interesting! I didn't like writing everything down verbatim but the whole experience was kinda intersting.

Today was super busy...and I probably shouldn't say "was" because I'm still at school and have tons of stuff to do before I leave the office tonight.
1. prep for the experiment/interview that is scheduled for tomorrow
2. clean up the office
3. type of process note

Can't wait for the weekend...I'm so exhausted!!!!

growing up

2006-03-06T00:48:00.000-05:00

Out of curiousity, I was checking Friendster profiles of people I went to college with. Surprise, surprise, many of them are now married!!!! or engaged!!! Unbelievable. I guess this is about the age people start settling down...I guess I'm an adult now.

I am in a state of shock now.

it's been two weeks

2006-03-04T23:33:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been over two weeks since the last time I updated my blog, and so much has happened.

1. I got an externship placement!!!!!!! After 6 interviews, I got offers from Stamford and Bronx. Since Metro-North is insanely expensive, I decided to take Bronx. Can't beat the commute that can be done with a metro card. so happy and relieved that I have a placement for next year. phew.

2. went to the Niagara Falls and Toronto. It was crazy cold up there but I had a great time. One thing I noticed was that I get tired quickly when I'm walking in cold weather. Maybe living in the North Pole is a good way to lose weight.

3. I was house/catsitting for a week and just came back to my good ol' apartment yesterday. The cats were so cute and wanted to take them home with me. Anyway, it's nice to be back home.

After listing the news, it doesn't seem so much. I was just crazy busy for the last two weeks or so. It's nice to stay home and do absolutely nothing but I kinda miss busy weekends, too.

feeling crappy on V-day

2006-02-13T23:44:00.000-05:00

What am I feeling crappy about? Not about the fact that I don't have a date on big V day. It's about my whole externship application mess. I'm so upset, frustrated, and angry about the whole process. It's so unfair, and I feel like I'm no good at all. phew...I hope I will land some placement,though. I'm getting very very nervous.

Another thing that is making me feel crappy is a sign of cold/flu. I'm feeling very fatigue and dizzy...AND I have an interview tomorrow in Stamford, CT.

Someone help me!!!!!

congrats Steelers

2006-02-06T23:28:00.000-05:00

So, Steelers won the Super Bowl. Good for them. I watched only first 5 minutes of the game because I had to meet Larry for a ballet performance at the Guggenheim last night. I feel kinda left out for not watching the Super Bowl...but I guess it's not a big deal anyway.

The ballet performance was nice. It was just amazing to see what they can do with their bodies...they had such a great body...strong legs and amazing balance. It was also nice to catch up with Larry :-)

I'm in such a crabby mood today, feeling stressed out for no apparent reason. I need a big chocolate cake!!!!!!!!! (btw, I'm not PMSing)

weekend

2006-02-05T17:24:00.000-05:00

On Sat morning, Dave came in town. We had a quick lunch at this place in Union Square area and then went to my office to do some work. It was rainy and cloudy throughout the day, and I wish it was nicer out. :-( After I finished some work, we just chilled out at a cute cafe while reading a travel book on Toronto (we're going to Toronto in two weeks!). Then, poor Dave had to give me a ride to a grocery store while I stocked up on groceries. Overall, we had a productive day. For dinner, I made curry, and it was super yummy!

Today, we went to a cafe in Astoria for brunch--omg, the omlet I had was really good. I guess I can have some good food and fun locally. I also bought a cheesecake from one of the Greek Cafe's in the area, and that was great,too. It was sad to see Dave go this afternoon, but it gave me some time to work on my research stuff before going off to meet Larry for a ballet performance at the Guggenheim. Well, speaking of which...I should go get ready now.

Nice weekend, overall!!!

How it feels to get over a cold!

2006-02-03T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well...it feels GREAT!!! I've been sick since Tuesday night and stayed in bed for 2.5 days. I finally got out of bed this afternoon out of necessaty (i.e., running participants). Thanks to "Aleve Sinus medicine", I felt fine by the time I got to school! It was such a miracle! A few hours after taking the medicine, the horrible sinus headache I was having for 3 days disappeared!

While I was sick in bed, I worked from bed and got 4 calls from different externship sites for interview!!! I have two next week and another two in the following week.

By the way, I can't go to sleep tonight!!! I think I slept too much in the last 3 days.

is it spring already???

2006-01-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

It was freaking 64 degrees in NY today. I almost thought the winter ended! We've been having such a mild winter.

Today, I had another evaluation from my inpatient unit supervisor. She told me that I'm "sensitive, thoughtful, professional, and responsible", and it made me really happy. Other than that, I had bi-weekly lab meeting and meeting with my advisor. My advisor told me that she doesn't mind if I took extra year in grad school to get more research done...which means that I will be in grad school for a total of 6 years (7 years with internship), instead of 5 years. Hmmm...I don't know if I want to spend that much of time in school.

weekend in NY

2006-01-29T20:34:00.000-05:00

I spent this weekend in good ol' NY.

Friday: babysitting during the day. quite chilly out. Went to a party at Dr. O's apartment. I thought it was gonna be boring but it turned out to be lots of fun. had little too much wine, and it gave me a really bad headache! good party overall.

Saturday: completed my externship apps! Yeah! Met up with Mike and went to that pizza place by the Brooklyn Bridge. As usual, pizza was great!!! walked by the water in Brooklyn Heights area--such a beautiful day! Then, went to Veniero's. I so much wanted to have their fabulous pastries but I was too full from pizza! what a shame! Met up with Travis and we went to a sake bar right next to his apartment. I had two fruit infused sake (yummy) and I got slightly buzzed. good Sat.

Sunday: woke up early and finished laundry by 11am--yay for me. then, cleaned up my room a bit but I still have a lot more cleaning to do! couldn't get grocery shopping done today because it was raining out. spent most of the day just chilling at my apartment. relaxing day. :-)

All in all, I had a great weekend with a good mixture of relaxing and productivity.

uneventful day

2006-01-26T20:27:00.000-05:00

It was such an uneventful day. ran two therapy groups, did some lab work, went to class, and came home afterwards. that's it. nothing really interesting. I guess first week of classes went smoothly. :-)

Plan for this weekend:
1. do laundry
2. go grocery shopping
3. clean up my room
4. go to the gym
5. hang out with my friends in NYC
6. watch some of the Netflix movies

I guess this is more of a "to do list" rather than "weekend plan" I'm looking forward to getting things done this weekend, though. It's been over a month since the last time I spent weekend at my apartment...and my apartment is such a mess right now!!!

externship nightmare

2006-01-25T12:33:00.000-05:00

This year's externship was basically given by school but for next year, I actually have to apply. Since I'm a slacker, I put it off untill now to start the application process. I got extremely nervous this week and started to send CV's and other application materials to the sites today. I know I have to write different cover letter to each site, but I'm pretty much sending a generic one to them. bad me. :-p

Ever since I graduated from college, I've been applying to SOMETHING every year. I applied to grad school, went to OU, then applied to New School, applied to Ph.D. program, then I'm applying to externship this year. I have to keep doing this forever. After two externships, I have to apply for internship, then post-doc's, then jobs...endless appplication hell!!!

I hope in 15-20 years, people will come to me with a job so that I don't have to apply for anything any more.

another supervision and weekend update

2006-01-23T23:05:00.000-05:00

I had a meeting with my supervisor from the outpatient unit to talk about my performance on the intake interviews. Again, I was really nervous...but my supervisor told me that he was "pleasantly surprised and impressed with my performance." He said that I did well on intake interviews, participantion on supervision sessions, write-up's, and working with interns/peers. It was such a self-esteem boost. According to him, I'm "a great beginning clinical student." :-)

Anyway, today was the first day of classes! Can't believe one month long winter break went by this quickly.

I spent last weekend in CT again. On Friday, Dave and I went out for much needed beer! Then, on Saturday, we went to a boat show. I got to see so many different kinds of boats, and it was a lot of fun! Some of them were rediculously expensive and ugly but I liked some other ones. It's nice thinking about how it would be like to own a boat...I don't think it will ever happen but it's just nice to fantasize about it. Sunday was such a beautiful day--we went out for a walk, and it felt really good. We spent the day relaxing, basically. Overall, it was a relaxing yet productive weekend. It was a great way to re-charge some energy before the semester started.

Just found out next weekend is Chinese New Year...I wonder what kind of events will be going on in Chinatown...

Supervision madness

2006-01-19T18:03:00.000-05:00

I had two therapy groups to run today, and my supervisor came to observe both of the groups. I was soooo super nervous! But the good thing is, both of them went extremely well, and I'm happy about it. :-) I know I have to go through so many direct supervision and evaluations but I hate them with passion!

Ever since I came back from Nara/Osaka, I've been quite busy. Whenever I take vacation, work just piles up and I have to deal with them all when I come back. It almost makes me wonder whether it's worth taking vacation because I get stressed out as soon as I come back. But I must say, visiting Osaka/Nara was fun. I got to eat lots of yummy food and relax.

Oh, yeah, last weekend was fun, too. I went to CT to visit Dave. Because my babysitting job got cancelled on Friday, I took an early bus to CT. We went to a Korean/Japanese restaurant for dinner (bibimbap, baby!) and went to a sake bar later that night. People, be careful with martini's! I had two sake-tini's and I got DRUNK! They are evil because they taste good and make you feel like you are not consuming that much of alcohol, but you actually are! Saturday was fun, too. We just chilled out at Dave's apartment all day long--we're lazy, hehe. Oh, Dave took me out to this wine bar at night--it was fancy, but they didn't have any variety for food. So, we ended up going to another place. And, on Sunday, it snowed! It was soooooo cold that Dave's car froze and we couldn't get into the car. So, we ended up getting into the car through trunk...! It was crazy! And I had bison burger for the first time in my life--it was yummy!!!!!

Talking about food makes me hungry...what should I eat for dinner???

jet lag

2006-01-13T05:24:00.000-05:00

I was always proud of myself for having very minimal jet lag whenever I travel overseas. But this time, I think I'm jet lagged big time... :-( It probably is a sign of aging...sigh.

I got up around 3am this morning and could not go back to sleep. I have a full day ahead of me and don't know what to do! Hopefully, I can recover over the weekend.

Back in NY

2006-01-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

I came back to NYC last night, around 6pm. It took me 23 hours, door-to-door. As usual, I couldn't sleep on the airplane, so I ended up staying up for 29 hours with a total of 1 hour sleep.

Even though I slept for 9 hours last night, I still felt very tired this morning. I had to go to the hospital to run two therapy groups but I was feeling dizzy and disoriented throughout the groups. After that, I went to the photo studio to do bookkeeping but I was still feeling sleep deprived. I don't know how I could enter all those numbers with my jet-lagged brain. I was going to hang out with M after the bookkeeping job but I ended up cancelling it because I couldn't bare waiting for an hour until he gets off from work at 7pm.

Now I'm home unpacking. still feeling dizzy and disoriented. I've been stumbling over all the stuff I brought back from Japan and I can't even stand still for 5 seconds. I need to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

relaxing week

2006-01-08T05:21:00.000-05:00

For the last couple of days, I've been sleeping more than 10 hours per night. I don't know why...it's not like I've been active during the day, either. I just get up in late morning and go shopping in the afternoon. That's all I've been doing ever since I got to Japan.

Today, I went to Umeda (central Osaka, kind of like 34th street area in Manhattan) with my mom. After being there for an hour or so, I got so exhausted because there were soooooooooo many people. It's always busy in Umeda but it was more so today because it's in the middle of big "sale season" right now. My mom bought me some clothes, and I feel guilty and happy at the same time.

Two more days in Japan...what should I do tomorrow?

back in Nara

2006-01-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

I flew back to Osaka/Nara last Wednesday. I was supposed to leave last Tuesday but my domestic connection flight was cancelled, and I ended up flying on the next day. The flight was super long (16 hours total), and my inability to sleep on the airplane made it seem even longer. Interesting happened on my NYC-Detroit flight. Out flight was delayed because someone vomited on the aircraft and they had to clean it up before we could start boarding. This has never happened to me before.

Thursday: went shopping with my mom and sister. bought two skirts, a pair of pants, and a scarf. Osaka is a shopping heaven! had dinner with my cousin, Eriko. we had a great time catching up.

Friday: went shopping on my own. bought two pairs of pants, and whole bunch of random stuff. fell asleep around 9pm. my sister's bf made a surprise visit at night.

Today: went to Mr. Donuts with an intention of doing some work but ended up reading "Da Vinci Code" two more chapters to go.

My impression of Nara--again, everything is so small. tons of good food.
what's going on in Japan--snowing a lot in all over Japan. Northern part of Japan got over 10 feet of snow!

NYE celebration

2006-01-02T13:25:00.000-05:00

I was house/catsitting for my prof for the last 1.5 week or so and have been quite busy going back and forth between my place and her place while prepping for my trip to Osaka. Been kinda crazy. In the midst of that, I had to arrange to meet our future roomie to arrange her move in and to hang out with M (btw, we went to an interesting bar called Beauty Bar--14th between 3rd and 2nd aves).

Anyway, by the time NYE came around, I was kinda tired. But I have to have fun on NYE, right? Dave came in from CT on the 31st by train. I met him up at Grand Central and we enjoyed dim sum in Chinatown. We went to "Golden Unicorn", and their dim sum was slightly more expensive than the ones we've been to but probably the best one so far. After that, we just chilled at my prof's house, eating very yummy cheesecake and drinking spiced wine and beer. Yes, we started drinking from 3pm in the afternoon!

At night, we had dinner/drink at Heartland Brewery in Union Sq. I don't know what happened but we both felt kinda sick afterwards...maybe too much grease and carbonation... Then, we went to Central Park for midnight run and fireworks. When we got there, there was some dancing going on, and it was fun! free DJ and dancing! Countdown was crappy because it happened 10 seconds after the DJ told us that NY is in 5 minutes, which turned out to be a wrong information. So, I wasn't sure when it turned to New Year... Anyway, they had amazing fireworks!!! It was soooo beautiful. I'm so glad that we went to Central Park for the new year's. :-) Then, we went to a bar in E. Village to drink more (3 drinks and 1 shot) By the time we got back to the apartment at 4am, I was exhausted. But I had a really good New Year celebration!!!!!!!

Now I'm chilling out at my apartment because my flight to Detroit got cancelled and can't fly out to Osaka today.

commuting in the midst of transit strike

2005-12-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

I had to go into Manhattan this morning because I had two therapy groups to run. I'd rather not commute during the strike, but I had no choice. The commute was not as bad as expected. The line at the LIRR wasn't too bad, either. But I was not too happy waiting for a train on the platform for an hour...the first train was too packed to get on. Anyway, other than that, it was kinda fun fighting the crowd and walking in Manhattan.

In the evening, I met up with M in Penn Station area. It was a good way to avoide the commuting crowd at Penn Station. We went to a restaurant/bar to have some appetizer and drinks. It was a good time, just hanging out to have some drinks.

By the way, I saw something crazy on PATH train. This guy who was sitting right next to me took out a huge bottle of vodka and orange juice and made screw driver right in front of my eyes...on a train...in the middle of day! It was crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh...

2005-12-21T22:43:00.000-05:00

I have to go into Manhattan tomorrow morning because I have two therapy groups to run. Not too excited about fighting the crowd on the LIRR and the PATH trains. I wonder how long I have to wait in line before getting onto the trains.

I'm very much annoyed by this strike!!!!

transit strike madness

2005-12-20T20:24:00.000-05:00

Transit strike started from 3am. I watched people walk across Brooklyn Bridge on TV--it looked almost identical to what I saw right after 9/11; the only difference was that everyone was bundled up b/c of below freezing temperature.

I didn't go to school today because of the strike. It was kinda relaxing, actually. Every once in a while, it's nice to work from home.

Since none of us from our lab could make it to school today, we had to arrange a conference call. It was really crazy because everyone except for one person had land line, and our cell phone receptions were below acceptable level. During the conference call, we lost 1 or 2 people every 10 minutes or so, and it was quite frustrating. Anyway, it was my first 4-way conference call ever in my life!

I wonder how long the strike will last. Hopefully, not too long.

My last intake interview

2005-12-20T00:12:00.000-05:00

Today was the last day on my intake rotation. I got a patient to do an intake this morning...AND I ended up being on the "hot seat" (meaning, I had to conduct an interview in a room with one-way mirror, and my classmates and TA observed me). I was a little nervous initially, but the interview went really well for most part. In fact, it was the best intake interview ever! I had good rapport with the patient and I got good information from the patient. Yay! When finished, my classmates told me that I did really well, and it made me super super happy!!!!!!!!

Other than that, it was a quite uneventful day. I'm just happy that my clinical skill is improving!

My Weekend

2005-12-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

Friday: felt kinda sick. probably because I stayed out late a night before. I went home early and went to bed by 7:30pm. Too bad that I missed Tiffany's holiday party, though.

Saturday: woke up refreshed. went to school to do some work and to run a study. No aerobics class because I was still feeling slightly sick. in the evening, i just had some bento box from a Japanese restaurant and relaxed at home. i finally did laundry! yay!

Sunday: did some work in the morning. met T for brunch at this cafe in the E. Village. The food was great, and I really liked the cafe. T told me that this cafe has been here ever since he has moved to NYC about 10 years ago.

working on a paper...!

MTA strike

2005-12-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

It looks like there may be a strike starting from Friday...I wonder what's gonna happen when you can't take metro. I know students are expected to be at class as usual, so there's no excitement there.

It definitely means no partying in Manhattan this weekend if there's a strike...

karaoke fun

2005-12-14T00:09:00.000-05:00

Today was Mariel's b-day, and we went to a karaoke bar to celebrate. At first, I didn't think it was fun but as I got more drunk, I started to have some fun. Actually, I ended up singing Japanese songs!!! hahaha. I got home about an hour ago, but I still have so much energy. Now, I want to go dancing!!!! I wonder if anybody is up for clubbing this weekend...

can't wait

2005-12-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

One of my roomie is moving out next month. I can't wait...because I don't like her. She e-mailed me a few weeks ago saying,

"Four of my friends from LA will be staying at our apartment from Dec 29 to Jan 4."

I was like, "wtf???" She didn't even care to ask for our permission. She just stated that her friends are staying, period. I was really annoyed. Having 4 strangers in our aparmtent...for a week???? That's just not right.

And she does all these little things that are inconsiderate, and I was hoping that she would move out soon.

I think I'm getting too old to live with other people. I need a place for myself. ugh

some stupid question

2005-12-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

How many bulk mails do you get in your e-mail account per day? I recently got 94 bulk e-mails over 8-hour period recently. What did I do to deserve that many bulk e-mails in such a short time period??? I wonder...

dementia???

2005-12-12T23:17:00.000-05:00

I had something interesting I wanted to write about on my blog. But as soon as I logged into my account, I forgot what I wanted to write! OH, NO!!! I'm demented!

I can't believe that next weekend will be the last week of the semester. This semester definitely has gone by sooooooo quickly. It seems like only a few weeks ago when the semester started. I remember how nervous I was about externing at the hospital. Now, I don't feel as stressed as I used to be.

Seriously, the level of stress really affected my mood. Earlier this semester, I was agitated, annoyed, and angry for no apparent reason. But as soon as my stress level lowered, I became happier!

I don't know what to do for NYE...anyone wants to join me for this misery??? :-p

dead body exhibition

2005-12-11T15:08:00.000-05:00

After my typical Saturday routine at the gym and in the lab, I went to Grand Central to meet up with Dave yesterday afternoon. He took a train to the city, and we went to "Bodies--the Exhibition" at South Street Seaport. My classmates and I were talking about this exhibit just a few weeks ago, and I really wanted to go see it. Well, the exhibit was GREAT. It freaked me out a bit that all the specimen came from real human bodies but it was amazing to see how our body looks like inside and how it functions. It was very educational. This may sound cheesy but I thought that people are not too different underneath our skins--indeed, each one of us share 99.9% of the same DNA. and I also learned it's important to use sunscreen, not to smoke, and to have mammogram after seeing melanoma skin, lungs of smoker, and breast cancer tissue. They are powerful tool for health education, I think. I strongly recommend this exhibit to people who are interested in human anatomy.

After spending 3 hours in the exhibit, we went to a Thai restaurant close to my school for dinner. Food was decent. As usual, food made me happy. I always wanted to try this restaurant and I think I would go back there for lunch sometime.

Then, I went to see Dave off at Grand Central and got back home around 9:45pm. It was fun hanging out with him! I hope he'll come back to NYC to hang out again.

My Saturday routine

2005-12-03T15:54:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to build up some weekly routines. On a typical Saturday, here's what happens.

Get up by 9:30am if I didn't get wasted a night before.
Leave before 10:20am to go to the strength training at the gym.
55-minute strength training
Go to the lab and work, work, work.
Have dinner with friends. If there's no dinner plan, go home and relax.

Does this sound fun? Not really, huh?

Busy Thursday

2005-12-02T00:09:00.000-05:00

Another Thursday has passed...phew. It's not as bad as Mondays but I still feel so much better when Thursday passes. Here's my Thursday schedule:

9-10:45am: nurse rounds and walk rounds at the hospital
10:45-11:15am: group therapy I, quickly do paperwork before Grand Rounds
11:30am-1pm: Grand Rounds
prep for the group therapy while eating lunch
1:30pm-2pm: group therapy
work in the lab until 6pm, while eating dinner
6-8pm: class

Today, I administered WMS to my volunteer participant. It was mentally taxing! ugh.

After class, I met up with Travis for drinks to celebrate his first paycheck! yay! We were at this bar in MSG area, and it was filled with Asians! It kinda reminded me of Cali.

indecisiveness...

2005-11-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

I have to decide which externship sites to apply for next year...but I can't!!! I narrowed down to 12 sites and I need to eliminate at least 2 more sites. ugh...I hate being son indecisive.

Some updates

2005-11-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

1. When I got off at my train station, the train conductor said to me, "Take care, sweetie." Did he mistake me for someone else??? strange

2. This website has a good amount of strange conversations in NYC.

3. Finding out that one of my classmates is from Columbus, OH and attended OU for undergrad. What a small world.

4. My petname (?) given by my classmates--Pebbles. btw, my classmates' petnames are Bubbles, Marbles, Giggles, Sparkles, etc. We're into "...les" When we see each other, we greet each other like this..."Good morning, Pebbles." hehehe

5. Left my keys in the office again on Monday. I tend to lose things when I'm tired.

Thanksgiving weekend

2005-11-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

It kinda sucked.

First of all, I had a horrible, horrible encounter with J on Wednesday night. I ended up getting pissed off at the end of night, storming out of a bar and walking by myself to the subway station at 1am. Horrible, horrible night.

Thanksgiving day: walking up with mild hangover. watched Macy's parade on TV. I was going to hang out with friends, but the plan didn't work out. So, I ended up staying at home all day long. Felt kinda miserable. None of the people who promised to call me on Thanksgiving called. I guess I don't have that many friends after all :-(

Friday: babysat in the morning. It was so freaking cold! Went to the gym to do some cardio. Had good mexican food and frozen margarita with Travis.

Saturday: went to the strength training class at the gym--my weekly routine. got a haircut. Ok, here's a question. Does "a half inch" mean "2-inches" in NYC? I'm trying to grow my hair, so I asked for trimming, not "chopping off" my hair. The lady chopped off like 2 inches! I was a little upset. My hair is shorter than ever!!! Met with W for a cup of coffee in W. Village. Great coffee :)

Sunday: hung out all day at home and cleaned up my room. Boring Sunday.

Overall, my holiday weekend sucked and I'm dreading about Christmas weekend. I need a family who will adopt me for holidays :-(

can't sleep

2005-11-22T00:37:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but I can't sleep!!! I wanted to go to bed early tonight because I've been feeling mildly sick for the last few days.

You know, online dating is kind of like catalog shopping. You look through pictures and descriptions of people, all appearing nice and neat. You may see some hideous products every here and there, but overall, they all look nice. That's because they want you to purchase them. But unlike shopping at stores, you can't get the feel of products...like color, texture, etc. You can get some estimate of those qualities through catalog but they may not be a good representation of the actual product. Doesn't this happen to you before? You purchased something from catalog because it looked nice but when you received the product, you find out that the color looks very different from what you saw on the catalog.

I definitely prefer shopping at stores over catalog shopping. Catalog's are nice to look at, but nothing more.

Weekend report

2005-11-20T22:31:00.000-05:00

After the get together at James' place on Friday night, my weekend was pretty much uneventful. Just worked on my take-home and intake reports, then did some house chores. That's about it. No craziness like last weekend.

I was hoping to hang out with T this weekend...but it turned out that he had to work both Sat and Sun because of the short week next week (b/c of Thanksgiving). sigh...I was disappointed. But he suggested to hang out together after Thanksgiving. I don't know when he is coming back to the city but I'm very much looking forward to it.

I've been feeling bit under the weather for the last couple of days...ugh...help me!!!

"I hate NYC" moment

2005-11-19T02:13:00.000-05:00

It's 2am right now but I don't think I can go to bed before venting. I freaking hate NYC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Travis, James, and I cooked dinner and hung out at James' place in the E.Village tonight. I left his place around 11:45pm but I ended up getting home at 2am. It took me over 2 hours! This is rediculous.

This is all due to stupid late night/weekend service and clueless MTA workers. This stupid MTA worker told me that R is always running and N stops at Queens Plaza. What an idiot. I'm sooooooo angry.

I want to live in Manhattan. I hate Queens!!!!

typical Shihoko stupidity

2005-11-17T23:03:00.000-05:00

I was so happy when I got off from class an hour earlier. But I had unlucky spell today. When I got to my apartment, I realized that my keys are missing. Since my key chain has too many important keys, I had to find them immediately. Oh, crap. the only place I can think of was school. So, I ended up taking trains back to school...I was about to cry :-(

When I got to school, it was already 9pm. Luckily, my keys were sitting in my office! Yay! I was sooooooooo relieved that I found the keys. But, can you imagine how pissed I was for having to make an extra round-trip to school late at night? I just got home....about 30 min ago.

Oh, well. This is a typical Shihoko moment.

Men in NYC

2005-11-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

I've had some opportunities to meet some guys in NYC area. Here are some characteristics of them...

They are in either financial field, law, or IT.
They make a lot of money (6 figures) but they also work long hours and travel frequently with a short notice, which makes them rarely available.
Even though they are only in their early 30's, they own an apartment or condo in the NYC metro area--they are quite expensive.
They are into investing and opening up businesses. very driven and motivated.
They respect my profession--Ph.D. student in psychology--or, at least they are good at faking it.

These are definitely type of people I would never meet within my social network. Quite interesting.

Some observations

2005-11-14T19:27:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been noticing that there are sooooooo many cute guys in the city. I mean, they are everywhere! I guess I never paid attention to guys until recently for some reason. hmm.

Sunday was fun. I was so exhausted from the craziness from a night before, so I just took it easy during the day. Then, I went to Chelsea to meet up with T. We met at the same French cafe that I met with Larry a few months ago. I really like the cafe--they have really good crepe. Anyway, I had a great time with T; he's really easy to talk to. We ended up hanging out at the cafe for 2+ hours but it didn't seem that long. Sometimes, you can tell within a few minutes whether you can get along with the person or not, and I think this was the case with T. (I guess some people call it "chemistry.") I had positive feelings about him right away. I hope that I will get to hang out with him again!

When I got home after meeting with T, S IMed me. It was already 8pm but he convinced me to hang out with him. He offered to pay for the cab fare to his place, and I felt bad for not hanging out with him on Sat. So, I decided to take a cab to his place. We watched this show called "Rome" and had some pinot noir :-) It was relaxing just chilling with a glass of wine.

So, it was a quite busy weekend. Of course, I was sooooooo exhausted on Monday morning!

Saturday night

2005-11-13T12:29:00.000-05:00

Last night (Sat night) turned out to be a lot more crazier than I expected. It's Sunday afternoon, and I just got home about an hour ago.

The night started out with drinking/eating at one of the yakitori places in the E. Village with J. I ate a lot and drunk a lot (Sapporo beer!). I had interesting conversations with J, and it was fun. I told him that many people in NYC seem to work 12+ hours a day, which makes me feel my grad student schedule is not as bad. I also told him that many of my friends have 9-5 job and they have nothing to do after 5pm. Guess what he said--he was like, "is there a such thing as 9-5 job? are your friends secretary or something?" Apparently, people in NYC works way more than 40 hours/week!

After that, A picked me up from the E. Village, and we went to "martini party" at his friend's place. This was the real starting point of my crazy night. The party was fun, and I got really drunk! Had really good apple martini! After that, we went to another party in midtown at someone's apartment. This party had a lot of trendy looking people, and it was quite interesting. The apartment was really cool, too. I felt somewhat out of place because everyone else looked very attractive...but being drunk definitely helped me with awkward feelings. THEN, we went to another party at Plan B. By that time, my memory and cognitive functioning were going down hill. I remember it was very crowded there, to the point where you can't even get to the bathroom. Danced with A for a little bit but we decided to call it a night. A and I watched a movie at his place, and I ended up crashing at his place because I was sooooo exhausted.

Surprisingly, I had no hangover when I got up this morning. Feeling kinda tired but I'm not feeling sick or anything. It sure was a crazy, drunk Sat night.

I'm not a virgin any more...

2005-11-09T12:05:00.000-05:00

...Treadmill virgin, that is.

I have always been terrified of treadmills but I decided to overcome my fear yesterday evening. When I got to the gym at 6:30pm, it was so crowded and none of the ellipticals (my favorite!) was available. BUT there was one treadmill available. I wasn't feeling like waiting around, so I thought this was a good opportunity to get over my treadmill phobia (if such thing exists).

Well...I still prefer elliptical over treadmill. I mean, treadmill wasn't as bad as I thought but it still scares me a little. Anyway, I ran 2.5 miles on treadmill and felt great.

My deep thought No.2

2005-11-08T00:07:00.000-05:00

Well, my posting from yesterday was not mainly about bitching about guys. It was more about my own experience. I just realized that making out with someone I'm not really attracted to is NOT exciting. I thought making out can be fun no matter who the person is, as long as he is not hideous or a jerk. But I take that back. Without attraction, it's just a physical contact--not very fun. I mean, it's nice to have human physical contact...but it's not that exciting without mutal attraction.

by the way, Alexandra told me that Virgo's (me!) have the kinkiest sex life. Hmmm...I thought Virgo's are very conservative.

I had dinner with S last night at a Thai restaurant in UES. The food was decent. After dinner, he gave me a quick overview on wines--he's quite knowledgeable about wines and showed me some of the bottles he has in his "wine fridge." He also has a nice apartment!

My another deep thought

2005-11-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

Kissing and fooling around is fun only when you are into the person you are making out with. Otherwise, you don't really feel the excitement. But I guess it's a different story for guys--they would just have s@& with anybody with female organs.

NYC marathon

2005-11-06T15:59:00.000-05:00

Today was NYC marathon. I was thinking about going to Central Park to watch it especially because my classmate is running. But I just didn't feel like taking trains to go there when I got up this morning. So, I watched it on TV. One thing I noticed was that there were sooooooo many cute guys running! omg, where are they hiding in the city when they are not running? :-p Watching people running marathon kinda motivated me to start running. When I was in high school and college, I used to enjoy running...maybe I should start it again.

My love for the Greek Cafe in Astoria doubled last night for no apparent reason. :-) After hanging out at Travis' place, we went there for some wine. The Cafe is not fancy or anything, but I always feel relaxed there. And the wine is cheap, too!

and I LOVE Central Park with passion. I went there again to do some readings, and it made me super happy. The weather was wonderful. The leaves were changing color--so beautiful! I'd rather live in a warm place but I think I would miss four seasons. I don't know...well, I'm gonna be stuck in NYC for the next 2 years, so might as well like living here. I mean, no matter where I live, happiness depends on me, not to the environment. I just have to find a joy out of the given situation.

My kind of City

2005-11-05T17:05:00.000-05:00

#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################

Your personality type is SLOAI

You are social, moody, moderately organized, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Salt Lake City, Oklahoma City, Nashville, Tucson, Phoenix, Memphis, W. Palm Beach, Portland/Salem, Louisville, Cincinnati, San Diego, Los Angeles Area and these international countries/regions Ukraine, South Africa, Greece, Indonesia, Austria, Thailand, Turkey, Philippines, Puerto Rico, Malaysia, Portugal, Japan, Czech Republic, Guam

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

No wonder I'm stressed.

2005-11-05T11:27:00.000-05:00

"Indeed, research shows that psychology graduate students are more stressed than faculty or practitioners and, simultaneously, have less money, security, power and social support, says psychologist John Norcross, PhD, who studies psychologists' self-care." from GradPsy (APA magazine).

German night

2005-11-04T23:43:00.000-05:00

After a busy week, what I needed was fun time with friends. I got together with Alex, Billy, and Heather (Alex's friend from HS) in W. Village. We went to this German restaurant/bar, and I really liked it there. Their food was good, yet cheap. And beer was GREAT and CHEAP! I would definitely go back there with beer-loving friends.

The weather was nice again today, and I enjoyed being in outdoor while I was babysitting in the morning. My mood is greatly affected by weather.

I was searching for pre-doctoral internship which I have to do in two years...and I found a few interesting ones. One of them that I'm really interested in is this one at Harvard Medical School...I know it's too early to be thinking about it, but I get excited thinking about internship assignments.

classmate bonding

2005-11-03T22:19:00.000-05:00

After 6-8pm class, Mariel, Alexandra, Aliza and I went to a mexican restaurant for dinner. We were starving to death! We invited other classmates, but they all had plans or were sick and wanted to go home. Four of us had a great time! Being at a Mexican restaurant, I of course had to have margarita! It's nice to have a classmate bonding moments. :-)

My therapy groups went OK today. They weren't as good as last week partly because many of the patients we know were discharged earlier this week. :-(

Oh, yeah, S called last night. I know I gave him my number but I completely forgot about it. So, when I got a call from him, it caught me off guard. He sounded sane over the phone, which is good. We may be meeting up for dinner on Sun :-)

I really need to go to the gym tomorrow. Mexican food is actually making me feel gross.

Graduation

2005-11-02T21:10:00.000-05:00

Since I missed the deadline to petition for graduation, I'm going to petition for my MA next semester. My graduation will be on May 19, 2006! So excited!

meeting

2005-11-02T12:16:00.000-05:00

I'm so proud of myself for going to the gym yesterday morning, before the case conference at 10:30am. I must say, it felt really, really good. But I was 5-minute late to the case conference--oooops!

It was pretty busy yesterday. Just like usual. After class, I met with B for bubble tea. Haven't had bubble tea in ages! It was fun chatting with him--he can engage in silly conversation to thought-provoking conversation. Even though he is an electrical engineer, he has good social skills :-p I had a great time last night.

thinking about doing laundry tonight...I have almost two weeks worth of laundry. ugh.

Again, Monday is over

2005-10-31T23:08:00.000-05:00

Six more Mondays to go for rest of the semester. phew. Our group supervision was cancelled today, so I decided to go to the gym in middle of the day. I did some cardio for about 30 min or so. It really made me happy--mind and body are really connected to each other. I can't be happy when my body is not healthy!

Here, I have something to say about this phenomenon I observe at the gym. I don't know about guys' locker room, but in women's locker room, people walk around bare naked. I mean, bare naked, not even covering the private part. I was initially very shocked, and I still don't get used to it. I wonder if it's like this in guys' locker room as well...
My middle/high school shared a campus with int'l school, and I remember kids from int'l school walked around bare naked in the locker room while all Japanese students covered them up with towels. Is this something cultural?

On the way to Union Square Station tonight, I got to see tons of spill over people from the famous Greenwich Village Halloween Parade -- quite amusing!!!

Appearance and Attraction

2005-10-30T18:25:00.000-05:00

Is physical attraction necessary condition for overall attraction? Meaning, can you be attracted to someone you don't find physically attractive?

My love for Central Park

2005-10-30T17:29:00.000-05:00

It was such a wonderful weather today! I loved it. To enjoy the weather fully, I went to Central Park (Sheep Meadow) to do some readings. I felt so good laying on the grass. This is the type of thing I should do more often. Enjoying the moment without worrying about past or future. :-)

I went to this restaurant with Travis, Patrick, and James last night. It was really hot there because we were seated right by the kitchen. Food was decent and the price wasn't too bad, either. Nice dinner with friends is always fun :)

Btw, I don't recommend "The Matrix-Revolution" I thought it was very crappy.

I don't know what's going on with me...but I'm feeling extremely sleepy now.

Some thoughts on stress in my life

2005-10-29T12:55:00.000-04:00

Things have slowed down a little bit this week. phew.

Up to last week and earlier this week, I was working 12+ hours/day with no lunch or dinner break. I often found myself eating lunch or dinner while doing work. I usually get to school or to the clinic around 9am or so and don't get to leave school untill about 9 or 10pm. For the last few weekends, I've been coming to the lab on weekends to do some work. On top of that, my prof has been telling me that my life will be like this for the rest of my career and been giving me A LOT of work.

No wonder I was stressing out like crazy. I was stressed last year, but this year has been even more intense than last year. I've been having difficulty getting good quality sleep, feeling irritable, sad, my body was tense and heart beating fast for no apparent reason. I think I was officially "burnt out."

But towards the end of this week, my schedule was not as crazy as it used to be. Then I realized how much this crazy schedule had been weighing me down. I feel so much better now! I really need to learn how to balance between work and play.

I added all the hours I spend working. Research Hours + Externship Hours + Classes + Babysitting + Other Meetings and Conferences = 42 hours/week. This does not include the times I spend doing homework. Last week, grand total was 56 hours/week.

Life's little pleasures

2005-10-29T12:42:00.000-04:00

I find myself giggling over some mundane stuff...here are some examples:

1. When I was walking on 14th Street, some guy said "want a bag of pot?" Do I look like someone who would buy pot on a street?
2. When I was waiting for a train at Jackson Heights Station, there was a steamed dumpling in middle of the platform. so random.
3. Receiving e-mail messages from guys who look like serial killers (through online dating site). I don't understand why they post such a horrible pictures of themselves.

I think the key for enjoying life is to find a pleasure in little things :-)

Other things that made me happy lately:
1. aerobics class--went to a cardio/strength training class on Friday morning (10:30am!). Although my body is aching all over now, I felt sooooooo good afterwards. Exercising definitely makes me happy. It's kinda addicting, ya know.
2. My prof and classmates thought that my presentation on Thursday was great. self-esteem boost!
3. Successfully ran group therapy by myself. My classmate who runs the group with me was sick on Thurs, so I had to run Depression group by myself. I was nervous, but all of the people in my therapy group liked it a lot.
4. It's been quite stressful lately, but I feel that I'm getting so much out of my life!

Pic from Fuyuko's wedding in Rochester

2005-10-26T16:51:00.000-04:00

wedding6
Originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

This pic (and the following pics) is from Fuyuko's wedding that I attended in Rochester last month.

Travis, me, Zin, and Yodee.

Pic from Wedding in Rochester

2005-10-26T16:49:00.000-04:00

wedding BBQ
Originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Wedding was quite casual...had a great BBQ!

Wedding pic

2005-10-26T16:47:00.000-04:00

wedding10, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Group pic from Fuyuko's Wedding

Wedding pic -Rochester-

2005-10-26T16:46:00.000-04:00

Wedding1, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Group pic from Fuyuko's wedding in Rochester. It was a fun time.

what the hell am i doing...

2005-10-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

at School at 10:15pm? I have to be here in the lab while one of our interviewers conduct an interview. It started from 7:30pm and was supposed to be done by 9:30pm at the latest. It's already 10:15pm right now, and the interview is still going on...ugh. I really want to go home now.

Anyway, I talked to this guy I've been corresponding through Friendster over the phone tonight. He sounded like an interesting guy, and we are meeting for bubble tea next Tuesday. :-) I'm very much looking forward to it! It's always fun to meet new people.

By the way, I have a confession to make. I ended up not going to the gym this morning due to the super bad weather.

lucky Monday

2005-10-25T01:02:00.000-04:00

It's such a relief when Monday passes. :) I had 2 hours shorter Monday than usual--11-hour day! Yay! Our TA session from 8pm to 10pm was cancelled! I thought about going to Dave's gig in the Lower East side because it was supposed to start from 9pm...but I decided to go home because I was soooooo tired. I felt kinda bad because I told him that I will be there if I get out of class early. Oh, well. I'm sure a lot of his friends showed up, and he probably didn't even notice that I didn't make it.

Bad news. Yayoi told me that she won't be visiting NYC next month. Instead, she decided to visit her parents in Chicago in December. What a disappointment! :-(

Oh, yeah. I finally signed up for a membership at YMCA today. I'm thinking about going to an aerobics class at 9am....which means I should go to bed NOW!

My Dating Style

2005-10-23T17:58:00.000-04:00

I took another online personality test...hehehe...here's the result:

The PrissDeliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

it's about time for me to take a trip

2005-10-23T12:46:00.000-04:00

I was watching TV earlier today. it was about Costa Rica. I so much want to travel. I haven't left the state of NY for the last 4 weeks or so, and I'm definitely the type of person who needs to travel a lot. There are so many parts of the world I haven't seen, and I would like to experience as much as I can. Here are some destinations I'm thinking about visiting in the near future.
1. Japan -- to visit my folks
2. Amsterdam --to visit Yayoi
3. London -- just to see
4. Italy
5. Spain

Now the same TV program is talking about wineries in NY State--they are saying now is the best time to visit wineries. hmmm...anyone up for wine tasting???

Trying to think of what to do for Thanksgiving...I don't want another miserable Thanksgiving. Last year, I invited Ira for Thanksgiving, then he cancelled on me at the last minute. But my roomies and I cooked huge Thanksgiving dinner, so it wasn't too bad after all. But this year will be different. I think both of my roomies will be out of town for the holiday. sad me. :-(

sushi and drinks

2005-10-23T00:01:00.000-04:00

I met up with Travis and Patrick for dinner in E. Village tonight. We went to the same restaurant from a few weeks ago. I had grilled fish dinner, and it was yummy. It was more like a home cook meal. Good Japanese food always, always makes me happy :-) After that, we went to an Irish pub for drinks.

I think I'm destined to get soaked wet at least 5 times per year or something. It started raining earlier this evening (again!) and I got soaking wet, walking from subway station to my apartment tonight. It sucked!

Btw, I didn't know a term "ass man" existed. According to Patrick, guys who love butts are called "ass man." hmmm...sounds kinda funny. hehehe.

bad weather...again!

2005-10-22T17:15:00.000-04:00

I hate this weather--rainy and chilly. It makes me want to just sit around and watch TV/movies all day long.

I ended up not going to the party Mariel told me about because I was gonna go to the conference next morning (Sat morning). Then, I ended up not going to the conference this morning. I should have gone to the party last night. ugh.

Stress is killilng me these days. I feel my body tense and my heart is beating faster for no apparent reason. It sure is driving me crazy... So, I thought I should start exercising again. That should take care of some stress I've been experiencing. I went to YMCA this afternoon to sign up for a membership. Then I was told that I have to bring a copy of my class schedule in order to get student discount!!! so annoying!!!

your ideal job is...

2005-10-20T23:35:00.000-04:00

...a teasmaid!

this is exactly what i need to hear after working my ass off in the Clinical Psychology Ph.D. program. Check this out...it will tell you what your ideal job is. As a side note, when I entered my entire name, it said that my ideal job is an Emperor of all the world. funny.

What's going on with my head?

2005-10-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

I had another dream last night about making out with someone. This time, I didn't know who the person was. I wonder what is going on with my head! Am I going crazy?

I attended the first case conference this morning. It was very interesting; attending MD introduced the case, and the patient came into the room to be interviewed by a senior MD. good learning experience.

Another busy day with lab work, lab meeting, and a class. I had to be in the lab while my prof's husband conducted an interview tonight. It kinda sucked because it lasted till about 8:30pm. But I had an interesting conversation with him, and my prof, her husband, and I went out for dinner afterwards. Pretty decent Indian food. My prof and her husband look soooooo cute together. If I ever get married, I want to be happy like them :)

Speaking of social life...

2005-10-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

I've been talking to someone on e-mail through Friendster. He seems nice, funny, and not psychotic (based on my clinical intuition as a psychologist in training). Would this be a good chance to expand my social life? Hmm...I have to think about this.

Another crazy Monday. I feel such a sense of accomplishment at the end of every Monday.
9am-1pm: Intake and supervision--did an intake on a patient. it was another intense case. i'm just amazed that so many people are living under horrendous conditions. anyway, the intern who supervised my intake interview told me that I have a good mannerism with patients--hmmm...great to hear that.
1:15pm-2:30pm: group therapy supervision
2:45pm-6pm: lab work
6pm-9:30pm: class--another frustrating class. i hate, hate, hate this class!!!

by the way, I swear that I saw Dave at Stop & Shop yesterday. I didn't go back to see if it was really him because I was pushing a heavy cart full of groceries, though. Well, he kinda sorta lives in my neighborhood, so I guess it could have been him. It's kinda wierd running into someone I know in my neighborhood.

heater is finally on!

2005-10-16T15:39:00.000-04:00

Our landlord finally turned the heater on! yay! It was actually very hot in my room when I woke up this morning. Oh, well. It's better than freezing to death in my room.

I went to the mall today to shop for clothes. But I came back without buying anything! There were a few pairs of pants I liked, but they were too expensive! I wish I was making more money...at least once in my life, I want to go shopping without worrying about budget!

Other stuff I need to do by the end of this weekend.
1. grocery shopping
2. laundry
3. ironing shirts

Sounds fun, huh?

kinda boring

2005-10-15T19:53:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been kinda boring.
Friday night, I watched first season of "Dawson's Creek" on DVD's. "Dawson's Creek" is kinda depressing but I still like it. I've never had a chance to watch much of the episodes, so I decided to watch them all. It made me cry...at 2:30 in the morning, I was crying by myself in my room. How embarrassing!

Today, I went to the lab to run two subjects. Then I came home to eat dinner. Nothing has been going on in my social life...I guess it's about time to expand my social network.

I'm gonna watch a movie tonight. This weather is making me lethargic...

when will this end?

2005-10-13T22:23:00.000-04:00

I'm sick and tired of rain! I hate getting wet and stay wet for the entire day.

Does dream represent our underlying/unconscious desires? If so, I'm in big trouble. I had dream about making out with someone last night...and this person is someone I don't find attractive in romantic way. yeeks! I hope I'm not secretly attracted to him or anything like that. That would be...um...weird.

Ran first group therapy groups today. They went OK. And I also attended rounds for the first time this morning. It was very interesting and cool, partly because I felt like a doctor. It's cool being a medial personnel. :)

my stress meter is up to 150 today...I really need a vacation!

So much rain!

2005-10-12T23:02:00.000-04:00

It's been raining hard all day long. This is really annoying! I got soaking wet today.

Today was a long day again. I had babysitting this morning. Then, went straight to school to run a subject...but it was no show. After that, I had a brief meeting with my co-leader for group therapy session. Then, I had to be there for another subject until about 9:30pm. Quite exhausting.

But I received two surprise phone calls. One was from Ira. It was great to talk to him. Then, another one was from Dave. He was funny as usual. hahaha. He said that he will drop off some arts that his roommate is giving me. yeah, I really need to decorate my apartment--it looks so bare.

After a long day, I'm enjoying sake with Calpico. yum! Tomorrow will be another long day, starting from 9am.

it's Tuesday

2005-10-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

...and this has to be a joke. Just like any other week, I'm exhausted already. But the weirdest thing is, I'm not sleepy at all. For the last two days or so, I get physically tired but I can't get good quality sleep. I'm tired but not sleepy. weird.

I don't think I can ever be a leader. I'm such a control freak and I can't trust other people to do work. I'd rather do everything on my own. That way, I don't have to worry about other people slacking off or doing something stupid.

When I got to the lab around 11am this morning, my lab mate wasn't there yet. gosh, what a slacker. She's never there! I'm so angry.

I have to run 6 interviews for our research project this week. As expected, my stress meter is 120% at this moment. arrrrgghhh.

cold morning

2005-10-10T22:46:00.000-04:00

When I woke up this morning, it was very cold (based on my standard). I really didn't want to get out of bed but I had to make it to my externship on time (9am!). This morning's intake was pretty interesting. First of all, I didn't have to do any intakes. Second of all, all of the cases we got were very intense. I can't go in details about the cases but I just had to say, they were intense!

After three supervision sessions, I came back to school to do some lab work before my class at 6pm. Busy as any other Mondays. And my 6-10pm class got on my nerve as usual because my TA was pissy and bitchy. Nothing unusual, I guess.

Yodee flew back to Indonesia tonight...I was hoping to see him before he left but things just didn't work out. It's sad to see a friend leaving :-( I hope he'll come back to NYC next year when his visa stuff works out.

Oh, note to myself and to everyone who reads this blog: get your physical check-up done when possible. my roomie recently got a comprehensive physical done and found out that she has a turmor that is a size of an orange! I was really shocked to hear this because she is only a year or two older than me and she doesn't drink or smoke. She is getting more testing done to determine whether the tumor is cancerous. I hope it's not cancer...I'm very worried about her.

a big realization

2005-10-08T23:32:00.000-04:00

I just realized that hormonal imbalance is really affecting my mood. At times, I feel irritable, emotional, sad, and angry for no apparent reason. I thought these emotional reactions were due to some stress. However, I'm under stress almost all the time but I don't necessarily feel all these negative emotions all the time. Most of the time, I'm OK.

My answer to this questions is...it's all due to my monthly female business! I've been feeling quite annoyed and angry for the last two days or so and I realized my monthly visitor is about to come. Ah-huh! When I look back, I also realized that I tend to get into arguments or become emotionally hypersensitive around that time of the month!

Therefore, here's a note to myself. Don't do anything major around that time of the month. I tend to get very emotional and make stupid decisions.

On a completely different topic, I want to go to a hockey game! Unlike last year, they are playing this season! Hockey games are fun to watch!

End of the world????

2005-10-08T16:09:00.000-04:00

There has been big scale natural disasters one after another. I was surprised to hear about an earthquake in Asia. Is this the end of the world?? Or, natural disasters usually occur this frequently? Hmmm...

I'm in the lab right now (AGAIN!) This is sad, isn't it? I've been here for the past 4 hours. This sure isn't the place I want to be at when the world is collapsing! I want to be in Hawaiiiiiii!!!!!!!

how do people de-stress?

2005-10-07T22:16:00.000-04:00

One of my coping mechanism is to drink alcohol. It's quite relaxing as long as I don't overdo it. by the way, I'm not alcoholic. Like last night, one cosmo made me happy--this sure doesn't sound like words coming out of an alcoholic, does it?

Anyway, I counted how many hours I've spent in the lab this week. The grand total is 25 hours--and this doesn't include bs-ing around on internet. pure 25 hours of work. And this doesn't include the hours I spent at home, working, either. So far, I haven't done any class work this week because I've been super busy with the lab project. I'm sooooo mad at my lab mate. She doesn't do much of work, and I end up doing soooooo much work. I feel that my prof is relying more on me than on her. I'm taking on too much work...

On top of that, I have 12 hours of externship, classes, and 6 hours of babysitting. No wonder I feel so burnt out. I need another weekend trip to Hampton!!!!!!!!!

Do you need a man in your life?

2005-10-06T16:27:00.000-04:00

This is the result from a quiz that I took online today...

You don't feel you need one man, but you sure like men.

You love your girlfriends and they fulfill a real down-and-dirty, let-it-all-hang-out, wise-woman function in your life. However, you certainly appreciate men, and you understand that they have a different energy than women, an energy you'd like in your life.
You're charmed by the way guys drink beer from a bottle, wear 25-year-old paint-stained khakis, and talk about hockey as though it were important. You understand that you can have all this in your life without romance.
But sometimes you worry that you ought to settle down, and you're a little afraid of growing old alone. Are you afraid to get involved because you've been burned before? Are you overly picky, still looking for Mr. Perfect? Do you fret that you'll eventually need someone to push your wheelchair?
At midlife, "Sometimes women think that love has to be 125 percent or really, really good," says psychotherapist Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz, author of The Confident Woman: How to Take Charge and Recharge Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2001). "But the great thing about romance at midlife is that 80 percent is all right, if that's enough commitment for you. If your parents would disapprove of him, if he's from the wrong socioeconomic group, if he's not somebody you'd have kids with, if he won't get married or if you don't want to -- none of that matters. Enjoying the time you spend with him counts most. The enjoying part can be irrespective of age or profession, or any of the stereotypes of what a 'right' kind of man might be."

This is kinda true...wait, it is VERY true about me. I'm happy with what my girlfriends offer. And I'm also very happy with what my guyfriends offer, too. They offer very differen things. But at times, I feel that I want to settle down with the right person.
Am I afraid to get involved because of past bad experiences?--yes, kinda.
Am I too picky? --yeah, kinda.

E Hampton Group Pic 2

2005-10-06T00:26:00.000-04:00

hampton2, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Again, Yodee, Angela, Travis, me, and James. Don't we all look happy???

E Hampton Group Pic

2005-10-06T00:25:00.000-04:00

hampton, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Yodee, Angela, Travis, me, and James (and the dog)

glassworks

2005-10-06T00:24:00.000-04:00

glassworks, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Aren't these pretty? I wanted to take them home.

Hampton House

2005-10-06T00:23:00.000-04:00

hampton8, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

Angela, me, and James. nice pic, eh?

tree

2005-10-06T00:22:00.000-04:00

tree, originally uploaded by shihoko_h.

This is a tree we found in the back yard. in E. Hampton.

irony

2005-10-06T00:10:00.000-04:00

When you are putting all the effort to find something, that very thing you are looking for never appears in front of your eyes. But when you give up looking for it, it comes to your door by itself. How ironic. I guess when you are too caught up with your greed, nothing will flow as you wish. ...I sound more and more like a religious person...hehehe.

Another busy day at the lab. I got there around 10am this morning and kept working till about 7:30pm, without taking any break. I ate my sandwich as I correspond to e-mails. Power of Craigslist is amazing. I posted our study on Craigslist this morning, then we got 50+ e-mails from potential participants, and the phone never stopped ringing since this morning. It was really amazing.

After a long day of working, of course I need to release some stress, right? So, I went to Trav and Yodee's place when I got off from school. They were about to start dinner when I got there, and they offered me some food--thanks! Then, we ended up going to the same Greek care/diner for drinks. This time, we tried a bottle of white wine. Can't remember the name of it, but the description said, "pinot grigio of Greece." Hmm, interesting.

Work has been stressful, and I feel the need for alcohol at the end of the day. I hope I won't turn into an alcoholic!!!

Thought of the day

2005-10-04T21:19:00.000-04:00

Don't let things (especially the ones that I have no control over) bother me. If I let them bother me, that's my loss. Getting upset doesn't change anything. Only thing that stay with me are whatever the things that cannot be changed and unfavorable feelings (e.g., anger, fear, disappointment). There are many things out there that are completely out of my control.

This is a note to myself.

I know it sounds depressing but this is one of the things I need to learn. "Many things don't go the way I want them to." Sometimes, letting things go is the best thing I can do for myself and for others. Hmm...do I sound like a zen Buddhist? hehehe.

stomachache

2005-10-04T15:15:00.000-04:00

I woke up with a really bad stomachache this morning...I wonder if Travis poisoned me last night (j/k) Travis cooked some chicken and fishballs last night...other than that, I didn't have anything else for dinner. Hmmm...

Life requires balance between work and play

2005-10-03T23:51:00.000-04:00

My monday morning started off with intense anxiety. I had to do an intake with a real patient this morning. And I couldn't sleep that well a night before due to the anxiety.

When I got to the hospital I was very quite while my classmates chatted about their weekend. Some of my classmates asked me if I'm nervous, so I told them, "yeah, I'm very nervous. couldn't sleep that well last night. I'm an anxious person, ya know." Then, surprisingly, they told me that they don't think I'm an anxious person. Instead, they thought I'm a very calm and relaxed person. Wow, that's a big surprise!

Anyway, the intake went OK. I was very nervous, and the intake didn't flow as smoothly as I wanted it to. But over all, I felt I did fine. The intern who supervised me said that I actually did very well and that she was impressed with me. Wow!!! That's a great compliment. What is more, she said the same type of thing as my classmates said. She thought that I appeared confident and relaxed during the intake! My heart was beating like crazy, though! Despite what I felt, I guess I'm just good at hiding my nervousness and anxiety...that's the complete opposite from how I view myself.

After the externship, I got to school and was overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do. I was stressing out and was resentful towards my lab mate who I thought was supposed to be in the lab to do some work today. Then, my prof called me to tell me that I have to stay till 7:30pm, while one of our interviewers conduct an interview for the lab project. I was like, "why should I stay that long at school when I don't have classes? (classes got canceled for Jewish holiday)" Anyway, I ended up having another 10+ hour work day. sigh.

But after that, I met up with Travis and Yodee at this bar near Penn Station. They had this nice rooftop patio, and I really liked the bar. Price for drinks were kinda expensive, though. ($8 for gin and tonic) Oh, well. It was nice hanging out in the patio, just looking at USPS building :-p It was quite relaxing. And I think my drink was quite strong...I got little tipsy after one drink.

So, my day had a good mixutre of work and play. I think this is really important. Work hard, play hard.